


Dum Vivimus, Vivamus (While we live, let us live)

by SETI_fan



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, Artificial Insemination, Babies, But if you know the fic this is based on you know what's coming too, Cancer, Childbirth, Death, Erin's death happens prior to the start of this fic, F/F, Fluff, Just about everything that can happen in life, Pregnancy, Sex, past Holtzbert, terminal illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-09-23 22:33:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9683879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SETI_fan/pseuds/SETI_fan
Summary: After losing Erin, Holtzmann and Patty find love again and try to build their own family and future together. A companion story to AudreyV's "finis vitae sed non amoris".





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AudreyV](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreyV/gifts).
  * Inspired by [finis vitae sed non amoris (the end of life is not the end of love)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8109634) by [AudreyV](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreyV/pseuds/AudreyV). 



> Okay, I know the tag collection is going to scare a lot of you off, but I promise this fic is mostly about healing, new beginnings, and love. But I wanted readers to go in warned: most of this is about hope, but it's not a kind route to get there.
> 
> This fic is a companion for the amazingly talented AudreyV's "finis vitae sed non amoris (the end of life is not the end of love)". If any of you have read that, you know why this story has such dark themes involved. Each chapter of that story covers the death of one of the four girls and its aftermath. No punches are pulled. But it's gorgeously powerful and well worth the read. (It's not absolutely essential to read that before reading this one, but I strongly recommend it.) Woven between the losses are glimpses into the characters' lives over the years, including the families they end up with. These tantalizing snippets inspired me to flesh out some of those years in my mind and AudreyV was gracious enough to let me run with it and write some of those missing chapters to go along with her story. She's awesome and I thank her for the support and generosity.
> 
> This fic mostly takes place between Chapters 1 and 2 of her fic (after Erin's death, before the next character's). AudreyV included the fascinating idea that Patty and Holtz would ultimately have a daughter, but rather than by adoption as most stories do, through artificial insemination with Holtzmann actually carrying the baby. This story tackles my idea of how they got there and how the process played out for both of them. I've done my best to be faithful to the original story and timeline (while taking a few small liberties with dialogue to have it flow smoothly), but if anyone spots a discrepancy, please let me know and I'll fix it! (This includes you, AudreyV!)
> 
> Ultimately, where "finis vitae..." is a story about death, this is a story about life and all the risks and challenges that go with it. It has humor and joy and love at its core, just shadowed by loss and grief. I'm a lover of comfort to go with my hurt and no ending without a new beginning.
> 
> Also, I truly believe it is possible to have true love with more than one person in your life. If someone dies, it is not a betrayal of that relationship to find love again one day. The new relationship doesn't make the past one a lie, nor does it make the new relationship invalid or less true because it's a "consolation prize". In these stories, Holtzmann truly loved Erin. And lost her. And truly loves Patty and the family and life they build together. Neither love is less meaningful for the order they happen in. Life and love are complicated, but our hearts are strong enough to encompass multiple people without dishonoring the feelings of either (as long as consent, communication, and understanding are involved for all).

Patty knew the moment Holtzmann held Abby’s newborn daughter that she wanted one of her own.

It hadn’t been planned. Ghostbusting took up the main focus of the girls’ lives and between inventing, catching ghosts, handling paperwork for the mayor, and training up new team members, kids hadn’t really been a consideration for any of them yet. To be honest, with the horrible pain of losing Erin only months ago, they had all found their thoughts about the future thrown into disarray.

Especially Holtzmann’s. While all of them had lost a dear friend and teammate, Holtz had lost a woman she was, in every way that mattered, in a relationship with, even if they hadn’t gotten to saying the actual words yet. They were working their way through the layers of love when their journey had been brutally cut off, and although Erin’s ghost had stayed long enough to give Holtzmann the closure and permission to let go that she so wrenchingly needed, Patty knew that wound was nowhere near closed yet.

Abby was only doing marginally better. Having just gotten to rebuild their friendship after so much lost time only to have her best friend torn away from her again was an unbelievably cruel blow from the universe. Having to bear the guilt of knowing Erin had been killed protecting her from the demonic spirit that they had been fighting was just salt in the damn wound.

So, being the one least broken down by her grief, Patty had taken it upon herself to get done the things that needed doing and be a rock of normalcy for her two surviving best friends. She handled the initial calls with the mayor’s people to keep the business going. She made sure Kevin still knew what to do and kept him from bothering the others if he could go to her first, being extra patient with him when she realized he was processing Erin’s death at his own slow pace, rather than snapping at him if he sometimes fell into strangely solemn quiet spells when he was supposed to be working. Overall, Patty did her best to keep the firehouse feeling like home even with the notably gaping hole they couldn’t fill despite a roster of new interns and trainees.

Of them all, Holtzmann seemed to need her support the most. Abby apparently had her own variety of coping mechanisms keeping her at least able to function, as she threw herself back into work aggressively, like it was the last thing holding her world together, but Holtzmann wasn’t known for being comfortable handling her emotions under normal circumstances. This loss had broken something in her she wasn’t able to repair right away.

After her final goodbye to Erin’s ghost, Holtz had returned to work, but mostly puttered around, not really finishing anything. Sometimes music played, but quietly and without any dancing or acknowledgment of it, not even reacting if radio stations drifted out of signal so the tune was indistinguishable in all the static. She still participated during missions, but any sense of play was gone. The job was a job now and the near-silent focus with which Holtzmann dispatched ghosts, destroying them with her pistols rather than capturing them, was the most overt expression of anger Patty had ever seen from the once-vivacious engineer.

Patty did what she could not to push her. She figured that would just result in pushback that would make Holtz distance from her even further. Instead, she focused on trying to draw her back into a more familiar rhythm. She brought lunch up to the lab and ate it with her every day, making sure Holtzmann took a break and got something in her system. She talked, whether Holtzmann joined in or not, just filling the room with her voice, drowning out the shadows with interesting facts from whatever she was reading at the time or entertaining stories about the characters she had known throughout her life. Sometimes, she just went up and settled in a chair across from where Holtzmann was working, just so she knew if she did need someone, Patty was there.

At first, she didn’t think it was helping that much. Holtzmann’s mood still seemed miserable and she barely talked these days unless someone addressed her first. Patty began to wonder how long this could go on before the momentum finally ran out and the Ghostbusters eventually ground to a halt, just lacking the drive to go on.

But then one day, Patty was fixing lunch for them both when she heard footsteps on the stairs from the lab and turned to find Holtzmann sidling over to the kitchen area.

“Thought I’d save your knees some stairs today,” she said, sliding onto one of the stools at the counter with a pale hint of a smile.

Patty’s heart had lit up. Just hearing a glimmer of humor in Holtzmann’s voice was one of the best things she’d heard in weeks. The fact that Holtz actually came looking for her, actually initiated their lunch routine herself, filled her with relief that things were finally starting to turn around.

Their lunch date remained a daily tradition even after Holtz started coming back to her old self. Sometimes Abby and Kevin joined them, occasionally they had big group meals with the new trainees, sometimes it was just the two of them, but either way, they always made time out of their work to at least eat something together at some point throughout the day.

It felt good. It felt like healing. Like life was returning to normal.

Until the day Abby took Patty and Holtzmann aside before anyone else came in for work and, in a very nervous and troubled voice, told them she was pregnant.

‘Shock’ wasn’t a big enough word for Patty’s reaction. ‘Stunned’ and ‘completely damn confused’ were getting there. She hadn’t even thought Abby was seeing anyone, and apparently neither did Holtzmann if Patty read her puzzled stare correctly. Abby didn’t seem inclined to be forthcoming about who the father was either, looking unusually embarrassed about the whole thing.

Admittedly, Patty’s nudging her about whether it was Benny probably didn’t help either, but hey, it was a fair question.

“All right. I mean, I guess the more important question is, since you went ahead and told us, I assume you’re planning on actually doing this?” Patty asked carefully, already pretty sure what the answer was.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, of course I’m planning on keeping it,” Abby said firmly. “I mean, it’s going to cause some changes around here. I won’t be able to go out on busts or anything for a while, which is kind of why I wanted to tell you guys right away, since I know it’ll make life harder for you—”

Patty was about to interrupt that Abby better not be worrying about that when she was talking about bringing a baby into the world, but they both stopped when Holtzmann started walking toward Abby. The engineer had been mostly quiet after her initial “Whaaaaat?” at the news. She still didn’t speak, just approaching Abby with an intense look in her eyes, face serious.

Patty watched nervously, neither of them sure what to expect. But then she saw Holtz’s expression dissolve into a teary-eyed smile as she got close enough to wrap Abby in a huge hug, clapping her on the back emotionally.

“Okay,” Abby said, patting Holtzmann’s back, touched but confused. “You’re okay, Holtz?”

Holtzmann nodded, letting go at last and throwing her arms up and her head back exuberantly. “We’re gonna be aunts!”

Patty clapped her hands, letting the excitement spread. “Hell yeah we are!”

And Abby had smiled at last, however shakily, Holtz’s infectious joy and Patty’s reassurances that she was going to have all the help she could want finally breaking through her fears so she could start to marvel over the reality that she was going to be a mother.

It was the first time the firehouse had rung with happy voices in months.

OOO

It was another few days before Abby gave them the full story of what happened. After an uneventful day where they had sent Kevin and the trainees home early, the girls had settled in for dinner at the firehouse and the conversation turned to their changing situation. 

“You’re really planning to keep working now that you’re pregnant?” Patty had asked.

“Well, not in the field, no,” Abby said, “but we have a ton of administrative stuff that needs doing every day keeping the mayor satisfied, sorting through all the reports that keep coming in, making sure we don’t get arrested when Holtz blows something up…”

“I got on a new watchlist last month,” Holtzmann boasted to Patty with a grin.

Patty just shook her head. “Okay, but I mean, is it safe for you to be around here with all the radioactivity?”

“I can mark off areas with the lowest ambient radiation,” Holtzmann offered, dipping an eggroll in the communal sweet-and-sour sauce. “The stuff you can be exposed to on a daily basis versus the areas where even items stored in the proximity can shorten your lifespan.”

“I’d kind of like that done just for all of us who have to work in this building,” Patty said sharply, making a mental note to schedule a physical exam sometime soon.

“See? No problem,” Abby shrugged.

“Right. Well, not to bring it up again,” Patty said cautiously, knowing she was treading on thin ice, “but is the baby daddy okay with all this too?”

Abby was quiet for a long moment, chewing on a mouthful of noodles. “He’s not in the picture, so he can’t really say.”

A pang of regret went through Patty. She had suspected as much, but kind of wanted to know where things stood, officially. “Aw man, I’m sorry I brought it up. I didn’t mean—”

Holtzmann leaned forward, lowering her glasses. “Is the father an alien?”

Abby laughed briefly, breaking the awkward atmosphere and managing to look up long enough to give Holtz a quick, affectionate look. Patty felt the weird little engineer endearing herself in her heart even more.

“No,” Abby said firmly. She sighed. “All right, guess you might as well know sooner or later. It’s not the last time people are gonna ask.”

“Hey, it’s your business,” Patty said holding up her hands. “If I was prying, feel free to tell me off.”

“No, it’s okay.” Abby pushed her mostly-empty carton of food away, her appetite apparently gone. “Look, it wasn’t a proud moment and I don’t really want to spread it around, okay? I had a one-night stand with a guy in a bar.”

Holtz’s eyebrows shot up and Patty was pretty sure her expression was exactly the same. “I’m not judging,” she added quickly, “just kind of surprised Miss Doesn’t-Even-See-Kevin-As-Attractive went for someone that quick.”

“I was in a bad place,” Abby said, looking down at her fingers, which were twisting a napkin. “It was a couple months ago and I was doing the paperwork and when I realized what the date was it just hit me really hard.”

“Tough anniversary of something?” Patty nodded, sympathetically.

Abby sucked in a slow breath. “It was Erin’s birthday. Or would have been.”

Abruptly the still-raw pain seared over the room again, like bumping a healing burn. Patty glanced over at Holtzmann and saw that her face had gone granite-still, her expression hard to read. Not that Patty wasn’t profoundly aware of what was going through her mind and it made a bit of worry gather in her stomach. Holtzmann and Abby had finally made peace with each other again after the brief period of grief-fueled resentment that had followed the circumstances of Erin’s death. She really hoped this conversation didn’t dredge up the bad feelings between them again.

“It just…,” Abby continued grimly, “It brought everything back and when work was over I decided I needed to go to a bar and try to drown it all out before going home.”

Guilt twisted Patty’s stomach. She had tried to be supportive for both her friends, but Abby had seemed to be functioning and Holtzmann just seemed like she needed Patty’s attention more. Now it was clear Abby hadn’t been handling as well as she appeared to be, and Patty felt awful that she’d left her to cope with that alone.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked gently. “We would’ve gone with you.”

“You guys were dealing with your own stuff. I didn’t want to add extra grief on top of that,” Abby said, flicking a pained glance at Holtz before looking back down. Holtzmann still hadn’t moved, but her gaze had gone a bit internal.

“I just wanted to go drink myself stupid for a bit and sleep it off until it was the next morning and I could forget it again. But while I was there and having _way_ too many shots, I kind of wound up…accepting an offer I normally wouldn’t have. I know, it was a stupid thing to do and it was risky and I never should’ve done it, but at the time I just…was up for any kind of distraction.”

Patty nodded, thinking about how many times in the last few months she and Holtzmann had ended up falling asleep in each other’s beds. Not that they’d gone _that_ far, not with Holtzy grieving her lost love, but Patty couldn’t fault someone finding peace in human connection.

“And now the guy doesn’t want to be involved?” Patty asked instead, already planning out how to start child support proceedings in her mind.

“Well, it’s more that I couldn’t find him again,” Abby said, one of her hands pulling at the fingers of the other. “I’ve been back to the bar, talked to the bartenders, people who were there that night. He’s gone. They said he wasn’t a regular, most likely just someone in town on business who’s gone back wherever he came from.”

“Well, we’ve got the mayor’s resources now,” Patty said, throwing her arms wide. “I bet you we talk to Jennifer she’d be willing to help you track down this punk and get him to pay up.”

“No.” Abby rubbed her forehead, looking away. “God, I just sound worse and worse. If I got his name, I don’t remember it. And I can’t remember enough of that night to feel confident I could recognize him again even if I saw him.” She dropped her head in her hands. “How messed up is that? I won’t even be able to tell my kid who their father is.”

“Hey, you don’t need to be ashamed of that, Abby,” Patty offered, rubbing her shoulder. “That doesn’t make you a terrible person.”

“Besides, maybe _he’s_ a horrible person,” Holtzmann added. “Having two parents doesn’t mean both of them will be good. The kid’ll already have you. What are the odds they’d luck out twice?”

Something about that comment made Patty mentally file it away to ponder over further another time, when Holtz didn’t have more recent wounds to worry about.

Abby just snorted, reaching for her drink. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter. I’ll make sure everything works out okay for the baby. I’m gonna give it the best life I can, even if I have to do it alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Holtzmann reminded her firmly, squeezing her hand.

“Damn straight,” Patty agreed, pulling Abby over for a side hug.

Abby smiled finally, hugging them both back. “Thanks. But you know, even if I was totally on my own and everything sucked? There’s still no way I wasn’t having this baby. As soon as I realized it was conceived on Erin’s birthday, I couldn’t even think about doing that.” She huffed a bit shakily. “Is it stupid that I kind of took that as a sign? I mean, I’m probably just trying to make a drunken one night stand feel more meaningful, but—”

“You think Erin arranged things upstairs to get you knocked up?” Holtzmann said.

Abby chuckled. “You know, I wouldn’t put it past her?” She shook a fist jokingly at the ceiling. “You could’ve at least asked me first!”

As they laughed and the conversation continued to how to make the building more pregnancy-safe, Patty felt a last knot of tension in her chest finally start to unravel. Hearing Abby and Holtzmann talk easily and even joke about Erin was a profound moment. Whether Erin had actually had any kind of say in what happened or not, Patty couldn’t argue that it felt like maybe this development was her blessing, a way of showing that even if things would never be the same, at least they could start to move forward with life again.

OOO

Holtzmann and Patty lived up to their promise. Abby wanted for nothing throughout her pregnancy. Holtzmann built her an awesome crib with all kinds of technological toys including monitors, a mobile with dangling, cartoony ghosts, and a car seat that could fit into their replacement Ecto-1 (all completely non-radioactive beyond the standard carbon-14 level isotopes, she swore). Patty read everything about baby care she could find and ran interference with the media when they started getting too nosy about the new “celebrity pregnancy” in town. Even Kevin enthusiastically stepped up to run errands for her or retrieve things from around the firehouse so she didn’t have to get up more than necessary, although whether he actually brought her the correct thing she had asked for was still a bit hit or miss.

As Abby stepped back temporarily to her purely management role in the Ghostbusters, Patty and Holtzmann picked up the slack on busts, rotating trainees along on the job with them. Being a woman down and having to train on the job made what should have been routine by now into a bit of a struggle, but considering Abby wasn’t likely to be springing back into the job immediately after giving birth, they supposed they should get used to the new situation.

The other side effect of this change was that Patty and Holtzmann wound up spending even more time together than they had before. Even with the new Ghostbusters-in-training tagging along, the pair still gravitated toward each other in the field and frequently teamed up as they knew each other’s rhythms and fighting styles like old dance partners. If it was a simple enough bust, they sometimes even got away with going out just the two of them, enjoying the familiarity of not having to worry about a newbie slowing them down.

Their regular lunches started including dinners, drinks, and exhausted nights crashing on the couch in front of the TV in one of their apartments after particularly draining workdays. Patty wasn’t sure when their casual intimacy began shifting into something deeper, but the night Holtzmann kissed her at the bar after a few rounds, it hadn’t been as shocking as it should have been.

They didn’t talk about it right away, Patty figuring that the alcohol and energy of the night had just gotten the better of Holtz and she had a bit of impulse. Maybe some of her flirty attitude had just finally recovered as she was returning to the land of the living. But she didn’t flirt with any of the new trainees, though even Patty herself thought some of the girls were _fine_ specimens. No, the innuendos, comfortable physical contact, and lingering, smiling stares seemed to be Patty’s alone.

So when the team went out dancing and Holtz let Patty guide her uncoordinated moves into something that synchronized better with her own, Patty found herself flushing as the blonde drew her in, shaping their bodies together in a way that left little ambiguity about her intentions. Even without any drinks in their system, they found their own form of intoxication making the rest of the group fade out and ultimately leading them back to Patty’s for a passionate, almost desperate night together. Patty thanked any god listening she hadn’t been drunk because she got to remember every electric, mind-blowing moment of it.

It wasn’t the beginning of anything official, but it wasn’t a one-time thing either. There were too many issues that needed to be talked out, too many shadows of Erin that Patty didn’t want to infringe on, too many fears and uncertainties about what futures could happen in their line of work. They ultimately chose not to try to define it right away, just going with the flow, letting life lead them naturally where it would and relishing each moment as it was.

Abby was, of course, fully aware of what was going on and made a choice not to be judging about it. She did have a quiet conversation with Patty at one point to make sure there was no taking advantage of Holtzmann’s emotional state, even unintentionally, and another with Holtzmann about rebounds and emotional transference, so that she could feel happy for them in good conscience. Once Abby was assured by both parties that all emotions involved were sincere, she accepted their friends-who-benefited-in-all-kinds-of-ways arrangement and trusted them to handle their business. Besides, she had a much bigger draw on her attention that was rapidly approaching on its own.

Patty and Holtzmann were at the clinic with Abby when her ultrasound revealed she was carrying a baby girl. While they would have loved a son just as much, there was a certain amount of excitement in having another girl continue on the theme of their little family. Holtzmann especially seemed invested in and excited about the prospect that her oldest friend was having a daughter. She brought home broken radios and TVs (“because they were fun for kids to take apart”), made a tiny pair of yellow goggles (“for when she visits Aunt Holtzy in the lab”), and ordered every onesie with a science joke on it she could find.

One quiet afternoon, Patty walked into the lounge at the firehouse to see Abby sitting on a couch reading as Holtzmann stretched across the rest of the cushions beside her, talking to her belly. Patty stayed back, not wanting to interrupt the moment, but too entranced by the sweetness of the scene to just turn and walk away like she hadn’t seen anything. When Abby took Holtz’s hand and showed her where the baby was apparently kicking, the expression on the engineer’s face made Patty’s heart glow and she was overcome anew with love for her sort-of-girlfriend.

As they were getting into the eighth month of Abby’s pregnancy, she asked Patty and Holtzmann to stay after they closed up for the day to talk.

“I’ve been doing all this paperwork getting ready for the birth and some of the medical forms got me thinking, so I wanted to ask you something. And there’s no pressure; if you don’t feel comfortable doing it, I totally understand—”

“Girl, just spit it out. How you think you’re gonna make us uncomfortable?” Patty interrupted.

“Okay.” Abby licked her lips, looking at them very seriously. “I wanted to ask if maybe you two would consider being my daughter’s godmothers.”

Patty’s face lit up in a delighted smile as Holtzmann’s eyes widened excitedly beside her. “Abby! Why would you be nervous about that? I’d love to be that baby’s godmother!”

“You have made me an offer I cannot-a refuse,” Holtzmann said in an exaggerated Italian accent. “Do I get a ring for people to kiss?”

Patty gave her a look. “Really? That’s your response to becoming a godmother?”

“Wrong direction?” she asked, wrinkling her nose. “You’re right, should’ve gone the fairy route. I mean proton wands, magic wands—”

“Guys,” Abby interrupted, slightly exasperated. “Love the enthusiasm, don’t wanna step on that, but it’s not just a title. I wanted to give you a choice because there’s a legal meaning. God forbid, if anything were to happen to me, you two would become my daughter’s legal guardians.”

The prospect of losing Abby put a damper on any further jokes. “Baby, you’re family,” Patty said seriously. “You know we’ll always take care of that girl. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“I know, it’s just, if I put you both down as the godmothers, you’ll be legally bound together. I didn’t want to put any pressure on whatever it is you’ve got going on,” she said, gesturing between them. “I know you would be there for her one way or another, but I think you should take a little time to think about it. My feelings won’t be hurt if you say no. Or I could just put one of you down and you could sort out the rest if the time ever came. Hopefully none of this is ever gonna be relevant anyway, but just…maybe think on it for a bit and let me know. There’s no rush.”

They agreed they would give it some serious thought and talk. After they waved goodbye to the cab taking Abby home, they both stood out on the sidewalk in front of the firehouse for a long moment, a complex silence hovering around them.

“We’re doing this,” Holtzmann said at last.

“Of course we are,” Patty agreed. “That kid’s family. What, are we gonna let them ship her off to some distant relative when she’s got two perfectly good godmothers right here? Hell nah. We’d make it work. Whatever’s going on between us by then, we can still be that for her.”

Holtzmann made a noise of agreement. She kicked at the sidewalk with her toe a bit, hand fidgeting with her glasses, then looked up at Patty. “I’d be somebody’s mother with you.”

There was a sincerity in her tone that caught Patty by surprise.

Apparently it caught Holtzmann too because she suddenly threw on a smirk and added, “Abby’s kid, somebody else’s kid, a marmoset we decided to raise as a human…”

“Hey.” Patty reached out her arm, pulling Holtz against her side. “I’d be somebody’s mother with you too.”

Holtzmann smiled back up at her, putting her own arm around Patty’s waist and nuzzling into her side for a moment.

And Patty knew they were both speaking the truth. They would be there for Abby’s daughter, whether as a couple, as good friends who were co-parenting, or, if necessary, as awkward coworkers who could come together to be there for a kid in need.

She sincerely hoped it wouldn’t come to that, though. And as much as she was being careful to let Holtzy take the lead on defining what their relationship was going to be, she really hoped this conversation was a sign Holtz was ready to start taking steps toward making this a more committed arrangement. Because now that the idea was in the air, she realized how much she actually liked the idea of being a mom with Holtzmann. Just for happier reasons than Abby was suggesting.

“Hey, so the fairy godmother thing got me thinking,” Holtzmann said, starting to turn them toward the subway depot. “I have an idea for a robotic horse that I could wire to have a mouse inside steering it.”

“Why in the hell would somebody want something like that?” Patty asked.

“So Abby’s daughter could have the sickest carriage ride to prom anybody’s ever seen?”

“You know, that’s absolutely insane, but it’s also such a ‘you’ gesture I think Abby would love it.”

“I know, right? At least I’ve got about seventeen years to map out the neural pathways of mice in order to make this work. Or since we’re in New York should I use rats?”

“Here I’d have thought you’d try to make it a ghost-drawn carriage or something.”

“Patricia Tolan, don’t give me wonderful, glorious ideas.”

“I’m telling you right now though, you start trying to catch ghost horses or ghost rats, I’m out. I ain’t cleaning up after those.”

“Of course not. What do you think we pay Kevin for?”

OOO

Holtzmann and Patty were again at Abby’s side when she finally went into labor. Holtzmann was thrilled to get to drive them to the hospital in the Ecto-1, making liberal use of the siren to clear the way even though Abby insisted she probably still had hours of labor ahead before the baby was actually born. Patty just figured that, despite its flamboyancy, the Ecto-1 really was the best option from a practical standpoint since the slime-proof coating they had put on the seats could withstand a lot worse than a bit of amniotic fluid.

Sure enough, even after they got checked in, the contractions went on for the rest of the day and into the night. As Abby had been putting up with contractions for several hours before her water actually broke and she gave in and agreed to leave the firehouse, it was an exhausting day for all involved.

They did their best to keep Abby as comfortable as possible throughout. Well, Patty did her best. Holtzmann had proudly taken the responsibility of documenting the whole event and kept breaking out the video camera when any new development occurred, much to Abby’s increasing annoyance.

“If you point that thing anywhere below my waist, I’m going to blow it up when we get home,” she threatened at one point as Holtzmann started panning too far south.

Patty just shook her head, grimacing as Abby squeezed her hand through another contraction. She had pretty quickly regretted volunteering for this role, but knew they couldn’t afford to risk having Abby break their engineer’s hands. (She may have had her own selfish reasons she didn’t want them damaged too, but she didn’t need anybody else knowing about that, thank you very much.) So Patty gritted her teeth through it and kept reassuring her, knowing Abby was going to be dealing with far worse.

The baby girl was born just after midnight, almost eighteen hours after labor had started. She was a gorgeous, perfect, wrinkled little miracle who brought tears to her mother’s eyes the minute she saw her. All three women sobbed as the doctors passed her to Abby to hold for the first time, hugging and not even knowing what they were saying as they gushed with joy.

When the little girl was cleaned up and swaddled, letting them all get a better look at her without any of the mess of birth on her, Patty noted her skin and hair were notably darker than Abby’s.

Abby caught her pointed look. “I swear to you, it wasn’t Benny!”

There were more tears and pictures and videos and hugs and finally everyone was so exhausted and drained they crashed out, Abby falling asleep with her daughter, Erin Valentine Yates, at arm’s reach in the hospital bassinet beside her.

The hospital staff didn’t have the heart to kick Patty and Holtzmann out of the room, so they wound up pulling the chairs in the room together enough that Patty could put her feet up on one while slouched in another. She envied Holtz’s ability to curl herself into a single chair like a kid, but the weight of Holtzmann’s head on her shoulder melted away any resentment as they snuggled together as much as they could in the awkward setting.

Patty woke a few hours later with a sore back and a crick in her neck. She grunted, shifting to ease the strain on her back and rolling her neck. When she opened her eyes, the sight that greeted her made her think for a moment she was still dreaming.

Holtzmann sat beside the window, the warm glow of the rising sun bouncing a golden halo off her blonde hair and the yellow glasses perched on top. Her focus was entirely directed at the newborn baby cradled in her lap, a tiny hand curled around her finger as Holtz made ridiculous faces for her.

Patty didn’t want to move and break the serene moment, but apparently her awakening had been enough to catch Holtzmann’s attention. She looked over at Patty with a vibrant grin on her face. 

“Abby made this. Can you believe it?”

“She did a darn impressive job.” Patty glanced over at where Abby was still deep in the well-earned, unglamorous sleep of someone who had just brought new life into the world.

“I didn’t want her to have to wake up already, so figured I could keep the little one busy for a bit,” Holtzmann explained. “The nurse is getting a bottle, in case Abby’s not ready for round two.”

They had managed to get the baby to nurse successfully during the night, but as exhausted as Abby had to be, a back-up plan was definitely welcome.

“How’s the baby girl doing this morning?” Patty asked, getting up stiffly and limping over to lean over Holtzmann’s shoulder and gaze at the new center of their team’s world.

“Brilliant already. She’s tried to grab my necklace and stopped crying when I sang the Scooby-Doo theme for her, so I think we’re going to get along just fine.”

“Yeah, I bet you will.” Patty reached down to tickle the baby’s tummy and the girl reached a finger toward her, cooing slightly.

Holtz’s eyes lit up. “Hey! E.V. phone home,” she said in a decent E.T. voice.

That was something else Patty was grateful for. While she was fully supportive of Abby honoring Erin by naming her daughter after her, they had pretty quickly agreed they would use her initials for day-to-day stuff. The idea of saying things like “Time to breastfeed Erin” or “Erin pooped her pants again” could have been hilarious if she was still around, but with her gone it was just unsettling.

Patty rubbed the baby’s unbelievably soft cheek with her finger, smiling as she rooted against it reflexively. “Hey, E.V.! Baby, you got no idea how spoiled you’re about to be for the rest of your life.”

“Think Abby’ll let me make her a flying bike?” Holtz asked, maybe still caught up in the E.T. mindset.

“Yes, but I’ll be there to keep you two lunatics from trying.”

“What if I make you one too?”

“We’ll talk.”

Holtzmann leaned into Patty’s side, grinning at the now-dozing baby. “Is she perfect or what? Abby’s kid, Erin’s name…”

It wasn’t a proud moment, but Patty felt her smile fade a bit as a little pang of discomfort went through her. She didn’t want to call it jealousy—it was ridiculous to be jealous of Erin, especially since she wasn’t exactly coming back—but the twinge she felt in her heart as Holtz stared lovingly at the baby named for the woman she had been in love with before Patty still made her feel guilty and insecure at the same time.

Seemingly unaware of Patty’s shift in mood, Holtzmann leaned her head back to look up at her, eyes shining. “Just imagine how amazing _our_ kid would be.”

Instantly the negative feelings evaporated. With the way Holtz was staring at her, there was no confusing who the ‘our’ in her words included.

Patty looked at the woman who had become such a beloved part of her daily life, who shared her job, her bed, and her heart, and who had agreed to promise a future together to the point they had signed it on paper, even if it wasn’t the traditional legal document most couples made their commitment on. But it was real and it was true and despite going through a horrible year, there was hope on the horizon and happiness rising from the ashes.

And now she was imagining a child of their own together.

Maybe part of it was just the raw sentiment still soaking all of them. Maybe it was the punchiness of having only an hour or two’s sleep. Maybe it was the sight of Holtzmann damn near glowing while holding a brown-skinned baby that pulled at the emotions of Patty’s overflowing heart. But either way, she knew this: Patty wanted to be somebody’s mother with Holtzmann too.

“She’d be something all right,” she said, wrapping her arm around Holtz’s shoulders and pulling her close. “Absolutely perfect.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's the chapter that gives this fic its M rating. Contains smut toward the end of the chapter. What can I say? It didn't feel like a proper tribute to AudreyV's work without a slightly-unusual sex scene included in it.
> 
> I took some liberties with how artificial insemination is done to make things more fun. As I'm pretty inexperienced on this front in general, let me know if anything's wrong with the actual sex scene or you have any pointers, let me know and blame the fic I've read for giving me the wrong impression. ;)

They didn’t act on the idea immediately. While the idea of possibly pursuing motherhood together remained at the back of their minds from that day forward, E.V. was more than enough to keep all three women busy in the immediate present. Having a newborn around was all-consuming, even with Kevin helping out when they discovered he was surprisingly a natural with kids. As soon as Abby felt up to returning to the administrative side of work, the girl became a constant and beloved presence in the firehouse (except for Holtzmann’s lab, which Abby was firm on, infant protective gear or not, until she was past the age of putting things in her mouth).

Patty and Holtzmann helped out with all aspects of baby care short of breastfeeding—although Holtz made a few inappropriate offers that Abby took with more amusement than Patty did—and after going through the stresses, joys, fears, and exhaustions beside their friend for nearly a year without losing their desire to have one of their own, they decided that now that Abby was ready to get back in the field again, it was time to officially go ahead with the adoption application process.

Not that that sped things up particularly. Patty had heard how long and intense the vetting process could be, but if so many kids out there needed homes, she suspected they could chill on some of their more nonsense restrictions. Months and months into the process, she couldn’t deny that she was frustrated because it seemed like in addition to passing all the usual tests couples went through trying to adopt, the odds were stacked extra high against her and Holtzmann. Even if she assumed the adoption centers didn’t have any problem with them being an interracial couple (which Patty couldn’t rule out for some of them, knowing how the world was), and even if they got adoption counselors that were open-minded about them being a lesbian couple, the Ghostbusters thing seemed to be an automatic rule-out. No one seemed particularly keen on approving to place a baby with people who fought ghosts with nuclear weapons on a regular basis.

The fact that their team already had a proven mortality rate probably wasn’t helping either.

Patty sighed, setting down the latest discouraging letter on the coffee table of their shared apartment. “We’ll figure something out.”

Holtzmann made an affirmative, slightly distracted grunt from where she lay across the couch with her head in Patty’s lap. Her eyes followed her hands as she tested the Rubik’s cube she was making for E.V. despite the baby’s current lack of any advanced dexterity.

“We could try adopting internationally,” Patty suggested. “I hate to say it, but there’s places out there less picky about who they give kids to. Maybe somewhere fighting ghosts is considered a position of honor.”

Holtz grunted again, vaguely intrigued.

“Plus if they’re in a foreign country maybe they won’t insist on a home visit. I’m pretty sure most places wouldn’t be thrilled with an apartment that can set off a Geiger counter.” Patty huffed a breath. “’Course we’d have to factor in plane tickets for interviews on top of adoption fees and translators. Not sure how much extra funds we have for that even with our combined salaries…”

Holtz dropped the Rubik’s cube in her lap, sighing frustratedly as she leaned her head back to look up at Patty. “You know, it might be cheaper and easier to just DIY this whole thing.”

Patty gave her a cautious glare. “If you’re thinking about trying to build a robotic kid—”

“Not what I meant, but if you’re open to that idea too…”

“Nope. Seen your crazy sci-fi films. I ain’t messing with that.” She paused, taking in what Holtz had said. “So were you talking about like actually having a baby ourselves?”

“Yeah.” Holtzmann shrugged. “We don’t need anyone’s approval to do that and they can’t take it away unless we actually turned out to be bad parents. I mean, nobody’s trying to take E.V. from Abby.”

Patty was still kind of marveling at the idea itself. “You mean we’d have a baby for real?”

“No, a hypothetical baby,” Holtz deadpanned. “Yes, a real one. I mean, obviously I’d do the hard part. I’m not gonna volunteer your womb for you.”

Now Patty’s eyebrows shot up. “You wanna carry it?”

“I don’t know about ‘want’, but I’m up for it, unless you wanted to. I figured it was my idea. Plus, I’m younger so everything’s probably readier for that.” She held up her hands. “No offense to your exquisite bottle of wine.”

Patty brushed past the attempted flattery and wink, still taken aback by what Holtzmann was offering. “Whatever, but I mean, at least I’m bi. You actually comfortable with the idea of…getting…inseminated?” She felt weird even saying the word to Holtz.

“I figured we’d do it the sperm bank method rather than directly. That way I’d just be getting knocked up by science, not a dude.”

_Knocked up._ God. Patty looked down at the woman she had come to love so dearly over the last few years, stroking a hand across her head. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah.” Holtzmann grinned up at her. “I’m willing to give it a shot if you are.”

Patty continued tracing the features of Holtz’s face with her eyes, her left hand trailing down to tangle her fingers with Holtz’s. She lifted Holtzmann’s hand with hers, their matching gold bands catching the light.

They had finally decided to make things official earlier that year, not long after they decided to try for the adoption. It had been a small ceremony: Abby was there as Holtz’s Best Maid of Honor, Patty’s family, Dr. Gorin, and the new Ghostbusters trainees made up most of the guest list, Kevin insisted he was a Bridesman, and E.V. was barely aware of things but enjoyed the basket of petals as flower girl.

It had been beautiful and low-key enough to avoid media attention for a while, and Holtzmann had gone all out on setting up the playlist of songs that were danceable—by their team’s very broad definition—as well as meaningful, spent a full day decorating the firehouse with every kind of cheesy party decoration she could find, and decked out the Ecto-1 with tons of “Just married!” decorations that spoiled any secrecy they had managed for the ceremony itself.

She had even made Patty’s engagement ring herself. Patty’s eyes drifted to the silver band sitting alongside her golden one. It was sleek enough to wear on the job, but the metal elegantly twisted around what Holtz assured her was a real diamond glimmering in the center of what she also assured her was completely non-radioactive metal. A smile tugged at her lips. Honestly, she should have figured Holtz would make the offer she just had. Ever since the beginning of their friendship she had learned Holtzmann would build anything to make the people she loved happy. Apparently for Patty, that went way beyond engineering.

“All right. If you’re really sure you’re okay with this, we can start looking into it.”

Holtz gave a whoop of excitement, dragging Patty’s hand skyward with hers in a victory fist. Then she scooted herself up so she was mostly lying in Patty’s lap and shimmied a bit, giving Patty a lustful look. “You know, if we do have a baby, we won’t have as much time just the two of us. I think we should make the most of that while we have it.”

“Oh, you do, huh?” Patty found herself smiling in fond amusement.

“I do.” Holtz stretched, folding an arm behind her head and trying to look seductive. “It would be _criminal_ to let such valuable time go to waste.”

“Well, if it’s criminal, guess we’d better do something about that,” Patty said with a fake sigh. “Wouldn’t wanna get arrested now, would we?”

“I do have a pair of handcuffs in the bedroom closet if you wanted to go that direction.”

“Yeah, best I don’t think about that and you being a mom in the same conversation.”

“That isn’t remotely the weirdest thing I have in the bedroom and you know it. I mean, just under the mattress there’s—”

Patty forestalled the rest of that conversation by scooping Holtz into a kiss. As they began moving to the bedroom, shedding layers of clothes along the way, Patty counted her blessings anew for her weird, wonderful marriage.

OOO

“What about this guy?”

Patty looked over at the screen of Holtzmann’s laptop, reading the description, then wrinkled her nose. “Uh-uh. Dude majored in Business and Political-Science. He’s probably a lizard-man.”

“Lizard-baby could be fun.”

“I’d do the robot baby first. Keep looking,” she added firmly as Holtzmann’s eyes brightened at that option coming back on the table.

Of all the things Patty thought she’d be spending a Sunday afternoon doing, scrolling through a website to pick a sperm donor wasn’t one she would have expected a few years ago. She and Holtzmann were sitting together at their kitchen table poring through the options available at the fertility clinic they were considering. Normally picking a man out of a catalog would have sounded like a fun game and they had initially laughed at how it was pretty much identical to a dating site but without pictures. As the search went on, however, the weight of what they were doing started to settle in on Patty. They were picking the father for their child, and all the personality summaries loaded with random hobbies or physical descriptions filled with colorful references to whatever ethnicity they thought made them most enticing couldn’t distract her from how monumental this choice would be for their baby’s future.

Patty pointed to one description. “This guy’s an anthropologist who plays piano. That’s basically history and he’s gotta be good with his hands, so that’d help for engineering. What do you think?”

Holtzmann leaned over to read it and Patty saw her forehead wrinkle, knowing which part she had just seen. “Okay, but he’s a short white guy. The kid wouldn’t look a thing like you.”

Patty avoided Holtz’s eyes as she shrugged. She hadn’t really wanted to get into this, but, well… “That’s not necessarily a bad thing…”

Holtzmann frowned, pushing her glasses up on her head as she studied Patty. “You don’t want the baby to look like you?”

“I’m just saying if the donor’s got everything else going for him, that part’s not important,” she hedged.

Holtzmann didn’t say anything. Patty could feel Holtz’s shrewd gaze boring into her, seeing to her inner workings like she was a cyclotron that was acting up.

“Every donor you’ve suggested so far was white,” she commented after a moment.

Damn. Should’ve figured that wouldn’t slip by her. “Okay, look, it ain’t exactly a luxury cruise being black, all right? I’m not ashamed of who I am or anything, but I know how the world is and…” Patty paused, then continued gently, hoping Holtzmann wouldn’t take this the wrong way. “Our kid’s already going to deal with bullshit ‘cause it has two moms. If it’s got a chance to be a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed mini version of you… Is it wrong to want to make its life easier?”

Again, Holtz didn’t answer right away. When Patty finally looked over, the expression on her face was hard to read, but there was something almost close to anger in her eyes.

“Would you prefer it if my brain worked more normally?” she asked.

“What?” Patty jerked, bewildered. “Of course not! Why the hell—?”

“My life would’ve been a lot easier if it did. A whole lot,” Holtzmann said, voice serious. “And if I was straight and if I dressed and acted more like other girls. Maybe I could have had a normal childhood and family and friends. But then I wouldn’t have been me. And I like being me even when some parts suck. I hope you do too.”

“Of course I do,” Patty stuttered, heart aching for the insecurity in that sentence and the hints of past pain in her speech. “I love everything about you, baby.”

The uncharacteristically intense look on Holtz’s face softened slightly with a smile. “And I love every one of your properties too. Physical, chemical, and psychological. I want to have kid with _you_. Not just some random person. If I could fuse our egg cells together myself, I would,” she said, bringing the pinched fingertips of each hand together as if she was doing just that. “But since I’m at least a decade away from bioengineering anything like that, I’ll look through every sperm bank in the world to find a dude who’s even half as brilliant and gorgeous as you. ‘Cause I want our baby to be lucky enough to be like you. In every way.”

Patty saw the absolute genuine love in Holtzmann’s eyes before the tears welling up in her own blurred her vision. It was a testament to the comfort level they had earned that Holtz could get through a statement of her emotions that long without stuttering or closing up, but even now it was rare to hear her say anything that profound. Patty pulled her in to hug her tightly, wondering not for the first time how her life had wound its way to giving her this beautiful, baffling, ball of affection for a wife.

“All right, baby. You win.”

“Yes!” Holtz grinned brightly, repositioning herself so she could sit in front of Patty in the chair and pulled Patty’s laptop closer toward them. “All right,” she said decisively, putting her glasses back in place. “Ready to get back to finding an Adonis who approximates your Aphrodite?”

“Yeah, go for it.”

Patty settled in with her arms around Holtzmann’s waist and chin resting on her shoulder as she started reading again, offering commentary throughout. She still had conflicted feelings about the race issue and probably would continue to throughout their kid’s life, wondering if she did the right thing, but after a touching moment like that, she was willing to let the matter drop for the time being.

OOO

Clinic waiting rooms were definitely better than hospital ones, Patty decided. Between their ghostbusting and engineering mishaps and now this new adventure, Patty had spent a significant amount of time in both and concluded the fertility clinic had infinitely better accommodations. Better chairs for one thing. Preferable music for another. Plus everybody there was there for the purpose of starting a new life, not worrying if one was about to end. It definitely put Patty in a nicer state of mind if nothing else.

She wished it did the same for Holtzmann. Her wife was draped beside her in the next chair, trying to seem nonchalant, but Patty could feel the nervous energy radiating off her. Her leg bounced rapidly, like a rabbit thumping an alarm call, and her fingers twisted tightly in not quite a fist, the other hand supporting her head, elbow braced on the chair’s arm. Although she had been chatty on the drive up, she had closed in on herself once they got there, only grunting responses or offering forced grins when Patty talked to her.

Patty suspected she knew why. This was the big day. They had already been to this clinic multiple times so the docs could check out Holtzmann’s system and make sure there were no issues that would prevent her from being able to conceive or deliver. Once they had determined everything was healthy and, as the nurse had put it, ‘in excellent condition’ (something Holtzmann had requested to have printed out to frame and hang in her lab), they began tracking Holtz’s cycles to plan the best time to make an attempt. They had finally decided on a donor—a six-foot-three Trinidadian English major (“It even has ‘dad’ in the word!” Holtz had pointed out)—so they were all set to go ahead when they got the green light.

And so now, with all signs pointing to ‘fertile’, they were waiting their turn, having arrived way too early for their appointment thanks to Holtz’s driving habits. In less than half an hour, though, they might be mothers.

As excited as she was, Patty had to admit she was nervous too. As much as they all adored E.V., she had seen how much Abby’s life had changed as soon as her daughter was born. Good ways, absolutely, but profound ones. A kid would reshuffle their priorities, their lifestyle, and their stake in their safety and the safety of the world for the rest of their lives. Patty could only imagine how much more this weighed on Holtz since she was the one who was actually going to be carrying the baby if it worked.

She reached over, gently wrapping her hand around Holtzmann’s clenched one. “Still doing okay?”

Holtzmann stirred from her ruminations, giving Patty a half-smile and threading her fingers with Patty’s. “Yep. Cool as can be.”

“I’m sure they’ll be ready for us soon. It sounds like an easy procedure, so we should be in and done and off to lunch in no time.”

“Yeah.” Holtz laughed slightly, a bit nervously. “Hey, I was just thinking how this is probably the straightest thing I’ve ever done.”

Patty chuckled too. “Yeah, I bet you’re right about that.”

Holtzmann watched a man in a white doctor’s coat speak to another couple. “Think I’ll at least get a female tech working on me?”

And suddenly it clicked, dawning on Patty in a new way why this whole thing was making Holtzmann so uncomfortable. She mentally kicked herself for not honing in sooner on why this would be extra unnerving for her. Blame the bi/lesbian culture gap.

“I don’t know, baby, but I think your odds are pretty good.”

After a few moments of resumed silence, Patty made a decision. “Hey, I’m gonna find the little girls’ room. I’ll be back before they call us. Don’t go in without me, okay?”

Holtzmann nodded acknowledgement and Patty gave her a kiss on the top of her head as she got up.

When Patty was suitably sure that Holtz was absorbed in her own world again, she changed course, stepping over to a side of the front desk that was less visible from their seats, and had a quiet word with one of the techs.

A little while later, she returned to where Holtzmann sat, mostly unmoved from when Patty had left.

“Hey,” Holtz started, looking up. “Starting to think you got lost…”

She trailed off, eyeing the bag in Patty’s hand curiously. “You stop for food?”

“Nah, but what do you say we get out of here and go get that lunch, huh?”

Holtz looked at her like she had just revealed she was quitting ghostbusting to go back to the MTA. “Wha—You don’t want to do this?”

“Well, I do, but I had an idea, so I talked to the doctor and got us the home version of this game,” she said, lifting the bag. She looked down, voice getting gentler. “I figure you’re stepping way outside your comfort zone doing this at all. Least I can do is try and make it as easy and comfortable for you as possible.”

Holtzmann stared at her, shock and emotion filling her eyes and then suddenly she was launching herself out of the chair, wrapping her arms around Patty’s neck and her legs around her waist.

“Whoa! Careful!” Patty laughed, swaying. “Don’t want to drop Mr. Adonis’ donation. That stuff’s surprisingly expensive.”

“I love you, Pattycakes,” Holtzmann said, voice muffled as her face was buried in Patty’s shoulder.

“Love you too, baby. Now let’s get this stuff stored and go get something to eat.”

“To the restaurant!” Holtz declared, pointing commandingly with an extended arm over Patty’s shoulder.

Since Holtzmann was making no move to let go, Patty resigned herself to carrying her out the door like that, long immune to the stares they got as they made their way out of the waiting room. At least she felt she had plenty of practice for when they did have a second little Holtzy running around.

OOO

Time as certainly a factor for the insemination, but Patty insisted they were going to do this right. When they got home, Patty sent Holtz to do another ovulation test, just to make sure conditions were still good. While that kept her busy, Patty set candles out in the bedroom, closed the curtains, and put on some quiet jazz they both liked. Then she made sure the semen vial had thawed successfully and carefully prepared the needleless syringe the clinic had provided. The doctor had explained the procedure to her very clearly, and honestly, it was about as straightforward as you could ask for, but Patty didn’t want to risk messing anything up. The odds of success for this technique were low enough as it was.

As she walked back to the bedroom, Holtzmann opened the door of the en suite bathroom and leaned against the frame, already naked. “Target seems to be deployed, so you can fire when ready.” She looked around the room, noticing the décor. “Ooh, sexy.”

“That’s the goal,” Patty smiled. She held up the syringe. “Everything’s ready here too, so we’re good whenever you feel comfortable.”

“Cool.” Holtzmann leapt onto the bed, propping her hips on the pillow Patty had placed partway down to elevate her pelvis and letting her legs flop splayed open. “This comfortable enough?”

Shaking her head, Patty swatted one of Holtzmann’s knees aside and crawled onto the bed next to her. “Quit that. I said we were gonna do this right.”

She leaned down and kissed Holtz sweetly and warmly. Almost immediately, she felt the tension begin to ease from Holtz’s body.

“Ah.” Holtz opened her eyes slowly, the defensive humor fading to something more sincere. “The right way it is.”

Patty smiled and tucked the syringe between her knees as she sat up to remove her shirt.

Now Holtzmann’s eyes glimmered. “Ooh, I get a show too?”

“Nothing fancy today, but yeah, lay back and enjoy the view.”

Holtz immediately stretched out lazily, comedically folding her arms behind her head as Patty shrugged her shirt the rest of the way off and began carefully working her skirt off, careful not to spill the syringe’s contents. Looking down, her heart swelled and a shiver of excitement went up her spine at the expression on Holtzmann’s face as her eyes traced Patty’s body. She wasn’t sure she would ever get over how much she loved seeing Holtzmann look at her with that mix of adoration and attraction. To be pushing forty and have a beautiful, genius, sexy wife who thought she was a goddess and wanted to have a baby with her? She’d never stop being grateful for where her life had brought her or stop doing whatever she could to make sure Holtz knew the feeling was absolutely mutual.

Patty wanted to capture Holtz’s mouth with hers again, but knew how fast the fire could escalate if she started it, and today was supposed to be about gentleness and tenderness, slow, warm comfort. Instead, she lowered her lips to Holtz’s neck, kissing a line to her collarbone and relishing the breathy moan that rumbled beneath her lips. Her hand slid behind Holtz’s back, curving forward along her ribs before brushing her thumb tantalizingly across the curve of her breast.

“Babe, you planning on torturing me before the big move?” Holtz asked huskily.

“Shhh.” Patty did move now to kiss her lips, which felt swollen already. “Do I not know how to take care of you by now?”

Holtzmann smirked slightly, eyes half-lidded. “Fair enough. Do what you’re gonna do.”

Patty smiled back, lowering herself again, this time to catch Holtz’s nipple in her mouth, her thumb finding the other one.

Holtz gave a strangled whimper, leaning her head back and relaxing into Patty’s lead.

Patty shifted her hand from Holtzmann’s breast to her thigh, running down the length of it, then back again, loving how Holtz shifted, drawing a deeper breath at the sensation. At how close she was to her center.

But Patty didn’t give her the satisfaction right away. Instead, she continued to focus on kissing and nipping her way around Holtz’s breasts and throat, letting her hand rest teasingly close to its ultimate destination, close enough the soft curls of hair brushed her fingers as Holtzmann squirmed, already gleaming with moisture in the candlelight.

Patty let go of Holtz’s nipple and focused her attention on her neck, now letting her hand slide down and stroke lightly down the length of Holtz’s slit. Holtz keened breathily, her hand snaking around Patty’s shoulder, drawing her closer. Patty dipped her fingers between Holtz’s folds, her thumb making a lazy circle around her clit.

“Pat…” Holtz groaned, fingers tightening on the back of Patty’s neck, nails digging into her shoulder muscle, which only encouraged her further.

Their ample experience over the last few years had taught Patty the movements guaranteed to get Holtz squirming under her touch with minimal difficulty. She employed all of them now, allowing herself to move from painfully slow to a more pleasing moderate pace. Holtzmann was kissing her too, unable to keep her hands to herself. Her hips bucked against Patty’s hand, making her own labia throb in time, but Patty was able to coax her to stay lying in the same position.

When Patty finally slid a finger into Holtz, she swore gratefully, grinding her hips into Patty’s palm. Patty matched the rhythm of Holtzmann’s movement, their bodies finding the synchronicity built over years of trust and communication. She smiled as she sucked on the vein in Holtzmann’s throat, feeling her pulse fluttering rapidly. This was what she had wanted them both to have when they conceived their child. Not fear and discomfort in a hospital room. The love and bond that had grown from their relationship, and now culminated in their decision to create a life together, even more literally than the day they had married.

When Patty could feel Holtz was thoroughly lost in sensation, she gently withdrew her fingers, eliciting a frustrated protesting noise that she soothed with a kiss.

Reaching down, Patty took the syringe from where she had stashed it between her knees. As she had hoped, the plastic had warmed to her body heat, which should make this a bit easier. Resuming her attention to Holtz’s nipple, Patty moved her hand back into position and brought the syringe to her opening.

Instantly Holtz went rigid against her with a slight gasp, her muscles clamping, preventing Patty from pushing further.

Patty pulled the syringe back immediately, regret flooding her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby,” she said, lowering her face to Holtz’s neck apologetically. “I thought it’d be easier if you didn’t know when it was coming, like a shot. Bad idea.”

“No, it’s okay,” Holtz said, voice husky and rough as she panted. “I just kind of…forgot why we were doing this.”

“We don’t have to. If you want to stop or just have this be normal sex—”

“Hey.” Holtzmann reached up, taking her face in both hands and holding her gaze seriously. “First off, don’t ever think sex with you is just normal. Second, I want this. It just surprised me, which is now something I’m thinking we should experiment with next time we’re messing around. But I’m good.” She lay back down. “Let’s do this.”

“Okay.” Patty kissed her gently again, settling back down and letting her hand slide up Holtzmann’s thigh again. She took her time, easing both of them back into a more relaxed frame of mind before she attempted to insert the syringe again.

This time she kept one finger along the length of it so it felt more familiar. Holtz’s muscles were still instinctively tight, but Patty could feel her trying to relax herself. She stroked her thumb alongside Holtz’s opening to help her along and Holtz moaned into her mouth, sending fire through her own body again. She trailed her thumb up to Holtz’s clitoris and Holtz’s hips lifted closer to her. Patty took that as an invitation and when the rhythm and the wetness felt right, gently slid her finger and the syringe into her.

Now Patty split her attention between making sure Holtz was happy and angling the syringe, using her memory of the medical diagrams and intimate knowledge of her wife’s body to aim as close to her cervix as possible. Hoping everything was right, she kissed Holtz and pushed the plunger.

Holtz jumped slightly and Patty wondered if the semen hadn’t warmed up as much as the syringe itself, then realized Holtz had probably never felt that sensation at all, warm or cool. Quickly but gently, Patty removed the syringe, replacing it with her fingers and getting back to the movements that should be more pleasant for Holtz.

It didn’t take long from there to bring Holtz to climax, her muscles clenching around Patty’s fingers in the good way this time. Patty leaned back slightly, enjoying the always-stunning view of watching her wife ride the orgasm down and slowly come back to herself.

“Yep,” Holtz nodded, breathing heavily as Patty slid her fingers out. “Definitely better than the clinic.”

“Better be,” Patty snorted, wiping her fingers. “Not your best sweet talk, Holtzy, but I’ll take it.”

“Mm. I’ll do better when my brain stops melting.” She shifted as if to sit up. “Want your turn?”

“Later, later,” Patty said, putting a hand on Holtz’s lower stomach to stop her hips from moving. “You’re supposed to stay lying here for a while, give everything a chance to work.” She patted gently to emphasize her point.

“Oh yeah.” Holtzmann glanced down, eyes clearing as she remembered what they were doing. She rested her hand on top of Patty’s “Will you stay with me? Keep me company?”

“Of course, baby.” Patty kissed Holtz’s forehead, snuggling down to curl beside her, head on Holtzmann’s shoulder.

They looked down at their hands, Patty’s thumb idly rubbing Holtzmann’s skin, Holtz’s rubbing the back of her hand.

“Hey, I might be making a baby in there.”

“Maybe. Here’s hoping.”

Holtzmann smiled and kissed her. “Thanks. For doing it like this.”

Patty smiled back, heart warm. “Anything that makes you happy, babe.”

“I have ideas for that promise when I’m big and pregnant. Or just next time we have sex.” She cocked her head. “Hey, you sure you don’t want your turn? I may be stuck in this position, but if you kinda straddle me I could—”

“I’m good, Holtzy, really. Let’s just stay like this. Besides, you should probably rest up. They recommended trying this again in twelve hours.”

“Well, can’t argue with science. If you gotta, you gotta.”

“Yeah, figured you weren’t gonna complain about that.”

Holtzmann put her arm around Patty’s shoulder, cuddling closer into her and resting her cheek on Patty’s head. With their height difference, she so rarely got to do positions like this outside the bedroom, so she took every opportunity while horizontal to be the bigger spoon. Patty draped her arm across Holtzmann’s stomach, enjoying the excuse for a lazy afternoon. As the candles flickered softly around them, they settled into a warm doze, Patty’s mind drifting over dreams of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (By the way, if I start getting ads about baby stuff since my search history is now filled with IVF and fertility clinic research for this fic, I'm going to be amused.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pregnancies and relationships aren't always simple, especially when you're Ghostbusters, but Patty and Holtz are up to the challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to write, but it just kept getting longer and I wanted to do a few parts justice. Hopefully the length makes up for the delay. (Also, there's a bit more smut in this chapter, just not as detailed.)

Patty shouldn’t have been disappointed when it didn’t work on the first try. The doctors had told them most artificial insemination procedures had about a five to twenty percent success rate even in the healthiest of patients. Some women tried it as much as six times before getting pregnant or switching methods.

Still, Holtzmann pouted over it for a bit. Patty knew, overachiever that she was, not succeeding at something on the first try irked her. “Well, at least we know if I was straight I wouldn’t have had to worry about getting knocked up easily,” she’d quipped when her mood started lifting.

“Watch it,” Abby warned from where she was playing with E.V. on the floor.

“No offense, my naturally fertile flower.”

“That’s not my first choice for a term of endearment, but apology accepted,” Abby said, bouncing E.V.

“F’ower!” E.V. crowed.

Holtzmann grinned proudly. “That’s right. Your mom’s a beautiful, fertile flower.”

“Okay, let’s maybe stop saying ‘fertile’ around my daughter.”

“All right, but I can’t remember if ‘impregnable’ means you can be impregnated or not. Like how inflammable means both ways.”

“How about just not talking about me getting pregnant at all around the toddler who likes to repeat things?”

“P’egnant,” E.V. commented, as if to prove her point.

Abby’s exasperation pretty quickly faded to being impressed and she started encouraging Holtzmann to say more things to see how fast E.V. would pick them up. Patty watched the wistful expression on Holtz’s face whenever she looked at Abby’s daughter and hoped extra hard that their next attempt would work.

OOO

When the second month came and round two also failed to result in a fertilized egg, Patty had to admit the worry started setting in even though she knew this was still normal. Normal didn’t make seeing another negative pregnancy test any less disappointing.

Worse, she could tell Holtzmann was starting to take it personally.

“Maybe something’s wrong,” she said as they lay in each other’s arms in the introspective hour before sleep.

“They already checked everything out and gave you a clean bill of health,” Patty assured soothingly. “You want me to get the printout?”

“Nah, it’s just…I thought it’d be easier than this.” Holtzmann shifted in her arms. “What if there’s something going on with me they can’t test for? Like, a ghost thing or something?”

“Baby, you’re worrying before you’ve got proof. What’s that thing Abby says? Two points don’t make a line?”

“Right.” Holtz smiled up at her, brightening slightly. “Using math to comfort me. You always know just what to say.”

“Yeah, well, I’d like to think I know my wife by now.”

Holtz pressed her lips to Patty’s gently. Then her face took on a vulnerable look, avoiding Patty’s eyes. “Hey. If I can’t do this… If it never happens…”

“Then we’ll look at adoption again. And hey, if nothing ever works, then we’ll just be the best aunts E.V. could ever want. As long as I have you, that’s what’s important.”

Holtzmann stared at her for a heartbeat before pulling her over for a more desperate kiss, full of emotion.

And it hit Patty that that was at the crux of Holtz’s worry: that she would let Patty down and it would affect their relationship. That Patty might leave her. Her heart ached and as soon as Holtzmann broke the kiss to breathe, Patty pulled her into a tight hug, trying to pour as much love and meaning into it as she could.

“You’re always perfect to me, baby. Always.”

Holtzmann clapped her on the back a bit forcefully in what Patty recognized as one of her ways of trying to show love when she was too choked up to speak.

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t crazy as hell,” she added, getting Holtz to laugh wetly despite herself. “But it’s a kind of crazy that works for me.”

Holtzmann relaxed back against the mattress, sniffling indelicately. “Thanks, Patty.”

“Anytime, hon.”

“You’d be an awesome mom, but either way you’re an awesome wife.”

Patty smiled. “You too, babe.”

OOO

Another month and they had their third “scheduled threesome with science”, as Holtzmann put it—and which Patty had made her agree to never say outside of the two of them and maybe Abby.

After the necessary two weeks had passed, Patty sat on their bed as Holtzmann paced the bathroom, waiting for the chemical reaction on a plastic stick to reveal their future. It should have been old practice to them by now, but if anything, doing this multiple times had only made Holtz more antsy about the results.

“How long?” she asked.

“Another minute,” Patty said with fading patience. “Look, I’ll tell you when it’s ready to check.”

“Right, right.” Holtzmann rubbed her palms on her slacks. She laughed awkwardly. “Kinda stupid to still be nervous, right?”

Patty leaned back, her arms braced on the mattress behind her. “Baby, if this works it’s only gonna be the beginning of my nervousness. I freak out when E.V. so much as falls down. Can you imagine if it’s our own kid?” _Or you?_ she thought, but didn’t add. No need to jinx things by thinking about what could go wrong during a pregnancy either.

“I’ve got some ideas for safety gear,” Holtz said, hands fidgeting thoughtfully. “Infant-sized goggles, fireproof baby carrier, ghost-proof shielding for a nursery, you know, keep our work and home life separate. How young is too young for a lead apron?”

“Holtz, now.”

Holtzmann gave her a look. “I know not _now_ , Patty. Even I don’t have safety gear for egg cells—”

“No, the test. It’s ready.”

Holtz focused back on the counter, drawing a deep breath as she reached for the plastic stick, pushing her glasses up so she could see the color better.

Patty’s heart felt like it paused every time they did this. She didn’t even breathe, eyes watching Holtzmann, searching for the first tiny clue in her expression which way it had turned out. Her stomach tightened in anticipation when she didn’t see immediate disappointment.

Holtzmann seemed to have frozen herself, staring at the stick, her other slowly lowering from her glasses. Then she erupted in a high-pitched squeal of joy, fist in the air, and Patty’s heart began racing.

“Girl, you serious?!” she asked, leaping up from the bed.

“Boom!” Holtz beamed, holding the test out proudly.

Patty took her wrist, turning it so she could see without having to touch the peed-on section of the stick. Everything seemed to center down to those pink lines before tears blurred her vision. “Oh my god,” she breathed. “You’re pregnant.”

“ _We’re_ pregnant, baby!” Holtz whooped, flicking her glasses back down over her eyes.

Patty wrapped her in a hug, spinning her in a circle excitedly before stopping abruptly, carefully setting her down. “Whoops. Sorry, gotta be careful with you now.”

Holtz frowned at her seriously. “Hey, careful’s one thing, but if it means less Patty hugs, I’m not down with it.”

“Ain’t nothing stopping that,” Patty grinned, kissing her wife. Her wife who was carrying their child. Oh god.

“You know this does mean you’re done in the lab, right?” Patty said firmly, leaning back. “You’re not playing with anything radioactive till that kid’s born and done breastfeeding.”

“I know.” Holtzmann pouted briefly, then brightened. “Still, plenty of regular mechanical stuff I can build for the nursery.”

_Nursery._ They were going to need a nursery. “We’re having a baby,” Patty said again, still in awe.

“I know. It’s gonna be _awesome!_ ” Holtz kissed her, then pulled back, eyes sparkling. “I’ve gotta show Abby.”

Patty realized Holtzmann was hurrying for her jacket with the pregnancy test still in hand. “Holtz, tell me you aren’t planning on taking that thing with you.”

“It’s the proof of our baby,” she said, shrugging into her overcoat.

“Then take a picture of it or something. I’m absolutely sure Abby doesn’t want to see a stick you peed on.”

Holtz paused thoughtfully. “I’ve shown her worse.”

Patty shook her head, walking to a drawer in the kitchen. “Somehow I don’t doubt it. Here, at least put it in a plastic baggie. And wash your hands. I’m happy too, but that’s no excuse for spreading germs across the whole damn apartment.”

Holtz took the Ziploc bag she offered, kissing her on the cheek. “Okay, Mom,” she grinned, giving Patty a wink as she turned to find her boots.

_Mom._ Patty’s heart skipped a beat again, glowing warmly. Mom. Better start getting used to it.

“Oh shoot, I gotta call my parents. They’re gonna freak about being grandparents!” she exclaimed, grabbing her phone.

She had learned during their wedding preparations that Holtzmann’s parents weren’t in the picture, not since the day Holtzmann had come out about liking girls, and that it was still a painful spot for Holtz. Fortunately, Patty’s family had embraced her completely as one of their own and were more than supportive of their new daughter-in-law and their desire to give them a new grandbaby.

“I’ll drive,” Holtz said, holding the door for Patty as they headed out, “you tell them how you knocked me up,” 

“Baby, they think you’re cool and everything, but please don’t say stuff like that around my grandmama. I don’t need that every time we go home for dinner.”

OOO

Abby was overjoyed and they had a new round of screaming and tears in the firehouse lobby before the others came in for work. They decided it was best not to tell anyone else yet, even Kevin and E.V., and swore Patty’s parents to secrecy. As scared as Patty was to jinx it, she had read enough to know the first few months of a pregnancy could be a bit tenuous and it wasn’t unusual to wait until things were a bit more…certain before announcing it officially.

Not that Holtzmann was especially good at keeping secrets when they were this much fun. Fortunately, she took the approach of making it a game, keeping the rest of the newer Ghostbusters guessing as to whether something was going on or not. Patty just shook her head as she would ask for pickles and ice cream with her lunch order, then ask someone to bring her a beer immediately after, although she never actually drank it. Within a week there was a not-that-secret pool going over whether she was or wasn’t. Abby wanted to win some money on it, but Patty insisted it was insider dealing and plus all the trainees would just bet whichever way she did and make the whole game moot.

In the meantime, Patty and Holtzmann went to for a check-up and the blood test at the clinic confirmed her hCG levels were very definitely elevated in a way that was a sure sign of pregnancy. Even though the couple were celebrating privately, those first few months were tense with the secrecy and worry something could still go wrong.

When they finally went in for their first sonogram at the beginning of the third month of the pregnancy and the tech showed them the little circle nestled securely in Holtz’s uterus with a blob in it the tech assured them was their baby, growing right on track, the relief and joy hit Patty in a fresh wave. It was confirmation of everything they had hoped for over the past few years.

When they got to hear the heartbeat, they both wept embarrassingly in the exam room.

They had agreed to officially tell the rest of the team the next day, if there were any left who hadn’t already figured it out for themselves. By that point, Holtzmann’s morning sickness had set in in earnest and her lack of appetite, sensitivity to smells, and frequent rushes to the bathroom were getting pretty telling.

The nausea was to be the first of a number of reasons Patty would wish she could trade places with Holtzmann throughout the pregnancy to spare her some of the burden. Patty grimaced, rubbing Holtzmann’s back as she bent over the toilet in their master bathroom. Holtz had already thrown up what little lunch she had managed to eat earlier, but her body seemed intent on dry heaving as if it would find more to unload.

After what felt like ages, Holtz slid back to her knees, body finally relaxing. “Welp, cross cheesesteaks off the list of lunch ideas for a while.”

“Yeah, me too,” Patty agreed as she helped Holtz sit up and shut the toilet lid, flushing it. “Kinda kills the charm when you see it half-digested like that.”

Holtzmann shrugged, folding her arms on the toilet lid and resting her head on them. “Still, definitely the best reason I’ve ever had for puking so much. Even better than when I won that sushi-eating contest at Coney Island.”

“I swear, half the stories from your past I can live happily without knowing,” Patty said, but she softened her words by kissing Holtzmann’s sweaty forehead. “I’m gonna make you some tea and crackers to settle your stomach. If you’re up to it in a while maybe we can try some broth.”

“Finally, Benny’s restaurant proves its value.” Holtz pushed herself up. “I’m gonna take a shower so I feel less covered in vomit.”

“I appreciate that thought. Holler if you need anything.”

Patty shook her head as she headed back to the kitchen, washing her hands when she got there. She had never been great with dealing with other people’s bodily fluids, but her tolerance had gotten a lot higher since working a job where getting slimed was a daily threat. What was a little human puke compared to a fountain of ectoprojection from a dead person’s jaws? Besides, Patty had to admit there was something to the saying that it was easier when it was a loved one’s. Taking care of and cleaning up after Holtz when she was sick barely made her pause anymore. Plus, as much as Holtzmann was going to go through carrying the actual pregnancy, handling a bit of vomit seemed like a small thing to ask to help her out.

Might as well get used to it anyway, Patty mused. Once the baby was born, any hope of a clean house was going to be out the window for at least a few years, minimum. Patty had been around enough nieces, nephews, and little cousins to know kids produced plenty of nasty fluids and messes to rival the worst poltergeists the ghost realm could spit out. She was already collecting coupons for soap, wipes, and antibacterial washes.

“Patty!”

Patty jumped, dimly realizing the shower had turned off. The urgency in Holtzmann’s voice had her dropping the teabags on the floor and running back to the bathroom, heart racing. Her mind filled with images of blood on the floor of the tub and their dreams ending when they’d barely started. Just because they were past the main window of risk didn’t mean anything was guaranteed…

“Holtzy?!” she called, reaching the bathroom door.

Inside, Holtzmann stood in the middle of the small room, dripping wet and stark naked. There was no blood or other sign of trouble to be seen and her face was lit up with an excited smile.

“I’m showing,” she said intensely.

Patty’s blood pressure started calming down, terror giving way to confusion as she wrinkled her forehead at Holtzmann. “Yeah, you’re showing a lot of stuff. What—?”

Holtz laughed, shaking her head and turning sideways so Patty could see her in profile. She straightened, sucking in her stomach, and Patty felt her breath catch as a slight round bump remained curved outward just above her pelvis. Her jaw slackened as the enormity of what that meant sunk in.

“I thought it might be happening ‘cause it’s been harder to zip up some of my pants lately, but I figured you’ve also got me eating regularly now, so I wasn’t sure, but now…” Holtz gestured to the bump proudly. “Pretty sure that’s not a food baby. Especially since my body just made sure there’s nothing left in there.”

Patty barely heard what she was saying, unable to take her eyes off the tiny bulge as she walked over, gently resting her palm over it. It wasn’t hugely noticeable and disappeared almost completely when Holtz breathed out, but now that she knew to look for it she could feel the slightly firmer, warmer rise between the ridges of her hipbones. How long had it been that way and she hadn’t noticed?

“Pats?” Holtzmann asked, looking at her a bit nervously, and Patty realized she hadn’t said anything yet.

“It’s just…It’s real. I mean, I know we saw the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat and everything, but this… I can feel it.” Patty felt tears filling her eyes. “There’s really a baby in there. It’s happening.”

“Damn right it is.” Holtzmann leaned on the towel rack with a familiar cocky smirk and held up her hands, tossing her head slightly. “Didn’t I tell you I can build anything?”

She knew Holtz was going for a joke, but the emotions were too strong. Patty kept one hand on Holtzmann’s stomach, using the other to gently draw Holtz’s face toward hers, surprising the smug look away with an emotional, sincere kiss. Holtzmann quieted from her pose, letting herself lean into Patty in return.

As they parted, Patty rested her forehead on Holtz’s. “We’re gonna be moms,” she breathed, still awestruck.

“We’re gonna be moms,” Holtz murmured back, voice a little shakier. Then she broke into a wild grin. “We’ve gotta show Abby.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Patty caught her arm before she could dart away. “First of all, you ain’t going to show anybody as much as you’ve got showing right now. Second…” She drew Holtzmann back closer. “I know you’re excited and Abby’s gonna be thrilled, but do you think maybe we can have a little while for just us right now? That kid’s not going anywhere and neither is Abby.” She ran her hands up Holtz’s arms. “And I’d like to have my wife to myself for a bit.”

“Yeah?” Holtzmann grinned, moving to snuggle herself into Patty’s arms. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well,” Patty said, joining her arms loosely around Holtzmann’s waist. “I was thinking we see if you can keep down some soup or crackers or something…”

“Mm-hm,” Holtz nodded.

“Maybe put on some movies and curl up on the couch…”

“Liking it. Brilliant,” Holtz said, nuzzling against Patty’s collarbone.

“Then, if I don’t get called for a bust, maybe we’ll go visit Abby and them after we’ve had some downtime.”

Holtzmann smiled, lifting her head to look up at Patty. “I like the way you think, Pats.”

“Yeah, well, I figure we’ve only got a few more months where it’s just the two of us like this. And having the baby’ll be awesome, but I want to enjoy this part too while it lasts.”

“Yeah.” Holtz grinned. “If I could be sure I wasn’t gonna throw up again, I’d offer to do a lot more with our private time.”

Patty kissed her forehead. “There’ll be plenty of time for that too.”

OOO

Things got easier after the first trimester. Holtzmann’s morning sickness eased and she started feeling all around better and more energetic again. Her appetite came back with a vengeance, as if to make up for lost time, and it wasn’t unusual to find Holtz perched around the lobby or lounge space of the firehouse with a container of snack foods on hand, often with someone else’s name written on it. To avoid fights, Patty took to stocking the fridge and cabinet with ample supplies of Holtz’s favorites, reducing the amount of theft to mostly the cases when Holtz intentionally wanted to mess with someone.

Holtzmann’s other appetites returned in force as well. At work Patty frequently found herself distracted by the flirtatious and downright lustful looks Holtzmann gave her across the room, the idle hands Holtz couldn’t distract with working in the lab so they frequently found themselves trailing across Patty’s arms and back, trying to lure her to take a break and entertain them both in one of the sleeping areas.

As fun as the not-very-secretive attention was, Patty was hesitant at first to take advantage of these hormone rages and engage in sex with Holtzmann being in her condition. She knew intellectually it wasn’t dangerous to do, but something about the idea of their baby being present while they were…doing that still sat weirdly with Patty. But the last thing she wanted to do was make Holtzmann feel like Patty didn’t find her attractive anymore, so Patty knew she needed to get her head together and sort this out.

Their OB/GYN assured her that as long as Patty didn’t rest too much weight or pressure on Holtzmann’s stomach, there was little risk to the baby. And Patty missed her wife, and their relatively tame make-out sessions weren’t an adequate replacement for the physical side of their relationship she had gotten used to. So she made up her mind to mentally separate Holtzmann the soon-to-be mother from Holtzmann the woman she was in love with.

Fortunately, that turned out to be very easy when she came home that afternoon to find Holtzmann hard at work assembling furniture in the room they were converting into a nursery. It was mid-summer and their air conditioners didn’t quite keep the heat out, so her skin was flushed and glistening with sweat, a few stray curls of blonde hair stuck to her neck and forehead. Her tongue stuck slightly out of her mouth as she focused on the project at hand, body bobbing and swaying along with the music filling the room from her boombox. The fabric of her white tank top clung to her skin, emphasizing the curve of her now-obvious belly as her hips rolled back and forth.

And any hesitations Patty had evaporated away in the summer heat.

Apparently the music was loud enough Holtz hadn’t heard her come in because she didn’t notice as Patty knelt behind her and slid her arms around Holtzmann’s body. She jumped, but grinned in quick recognition, leaning back as Patty stroked her stomach, then pulled her closer.

“Hey. No calls today?”

“Yeah. Thought I’d cut out early, come home to my girl.”

“Nice, nice.” Holtzmann set down her screwdriver, noticing where Patty’s hands were starting to drift. “Got some ideas for the afternoon, huh?”

“If you’re up for it,” Patty murmured, kissing her neck.

Her grin got even wider. “Been waiting to hear you say that for weeks.” She turned around in Patty’s arms, pupils already slightly dilated just at the promise of what was to come. “How do you wanna do this?”

“Whatever’s good for you,” Patty said, leaning down to kiss Holtz.

“Is it wrong to just do it right here?” Holtz asked, breath extra hot in the warm air of the room.

“Probably,” Patty said, hands trailing back down to start pulling up the hem of Holtzmann’s shirt.

Holtz let her remove the shirt, helping Patty get her own off, then smirked as she surprised Patty by pushing her back to the ground. Patty looked up as her wife straddled her, awestruck by the halo the ceiling light created around her, the rounding curve of her stomach only adding to the goddess-like effect. Then Holtz bent down over her, locking onto her mouth again, and Patty wondered how she was foolish enough to put this off for so long.

To her surprise, despite the dry spell, Holtzmann wanted to take care of her first. Maybe she missed seeing Patty come apart under her skillful touch. Maybe she just wanted make sure she was on top before she got too tired to do so. Either way, Patty welcomed the sorely missed experience. She had to admit the only difference she really noticed was discovering the physical changes in Holtzmann’s body, the alteration of the lines Patty had gotten to know so well, the warm press of Holtzmann’s stomach against her whenever she bent over Patty.

Once Patty had drifted back down to the real world and caught her breath, she rolled Holtz carefully onto her back, leaning over her now. “You still good?”

“You tell me,” she smirked back.

Patty rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. Hang on. Stay there.”

She ducked next door into the master bedroom and grabbed a pillow off the bed, then came back into the nursery. “Doc said you shouldn’t just be lying flat on your back like that.”

“Wow, been doing some sexy research?” Holtzmann commented, eyebrow arched.

“Wanna make sure I’m treating you right.” Patty knelt, nudging Holtz’s side. “Scoot up a sec.”

Holtz shifted, propping herself up so they could arrange the pillow under her back, then adjusting her hips and the bump resting above them into the new position. Holtzmann gave a little sigh. “Huh. Good tip. All right, if you’re good now, shall we?” She winked at Patty, pushing the waist of her pants down teasingly slow.

As Patty helped her wife strip, she noted her underwear was already wet just from giving Patty her turn. Warm flattery spurred her on as she descended hungrily on Holtz.

There was a learning curve, she discovered. While the majority of things worked the way she was used to, Holtz’s body _had_ changed, as had its reactions. Her breasts, already fuller than before pregnancy, were tender and more sensitive, so that while firmer moves were less comfortable for Holtz, gentler ones got a bigger reaction that usual. The stretching skin on her stomach likewise seemed like the nerves were closer to the surface, giving Patty a whole new realm of ways to get a rise out of Holtz as she kissed and caressed her way to her destination.

It was interesting, this far into a relationship, to feel like she was becoming reacquainted with her wife. It was thrilling to think as the pregnancy went on and once the baby was born, they would keep rediscovering each other and growing together, learning more about each other each day.

One of her first revelations was how much easier it was to get Holtz to come with her center swollen and hotter than usual. It felt like a fraction of their usual time together, though maybe some of that was the build-up of anticipation from their time off. Either way, she eased Holtzmann gently back down even if it was briefer than she had planned, then sat back, watching her carefully.

“Was that okay?” she asked.

Holtzmann smiled at her dreamily, reaching out for her hand to pull her down beside her. “It was O, K, and every other letter. Especially O.”

“And you’re okay?” Patty asked, settling down on the carpet, suddenly almost afraid to touch her. “Any pain or anything?”

“Nope,” Holtz said, turning onto her side to snuggle into Patty. “Best I’ve felt in a while. Even if I’m pretty sure I’m lying on a hexwrench.”

Patty started to look around, realizing anew they were reclined in the chaos of their partially assembled nursery, and Holtzmann drew her back down. “Shhh, it’s good. Cuddle now. Fix later. Holtzy tired.”

Patty wanted to protest they had a perfectly good bed and shouldn’t be getting stuck with sweat to the carpet fibers and, apparently, an instruction sheet from Ikea. But Holtzmann was soft and sleepy and despite the heat she felt perfect in Patty’s arms and her belly pressed gently against Patty’s and Patty wanted nothing more but to stay there and enjoy the moment.

OOO

Unfortunately the afterglow period couldn’t last forever. By the sixth month, the legendary mood swings had set in in earnest. One day Holtz was sulking over how much of her wardrobe she couldn’t wear anymore. The next she was walking into the firehouse in a waistcoat, jacket, and monocle, pretending to be a portly rich man. Joy over feeling the baby kick for the first time dissolved into uncontrollable tears she couldn’t explain later. Excitement over the ultrasound revealing their baby was a girl gave way to anxiety over whether E.V. would accept another little girl taking away some of her attention. 

The hardest part was the irritation. Frustration over being forbidden from working on her technological babies led to outbursts of anger at Patty and occasionally Abby. While those inevitably were followed by remorseful, genuine apologies after Holtz’s brain chemistry leveled out again, sometimes what was said or not said in the heat of the moment stung enough Patty turned to Abby for reassurance. Abby, in turn, reminded her of the time during her own pregnancy with E.V. when she had gone off on the Mayor badly enough he nearly shut down the whole Ghostbusting enterprise. (Patty had sent a gift basket to Jennifer Lynch for saving their jobs in the wake of that one.)

The pregnancy also had made Holtz’s already quixotic mind a bit more scattered, leading to a number of occasions where she “lost” things that were right in front of her, forgot what she was doing mid-project, or didn’t remember where Patty was despite being told beforehand and sent repeated anxious texts asking if she was okay.

It was exhausting for Patty, but she knew it was in some ways worse for Holtzmann. For someone who didn’t like dealing with intense emotions more than she absolutely had to, she found the whole thing mortifying half the time and the loss of control made her feel like she was possessed. (That perception was shared by a lot of the trainees, who had a series of jokes about how to tell if Holtz was possessed or just pregnant, until Abby found out and shut the game down, unamused.)

So, life in the firehouse was a bit tense, trying to keep things normal while also walking on eggshells a bit when Holtzmann was around. Ultimately, the ghostbusting missions were the biggest bastion of normalcy in Patty’s life and although it made her feel guilty, she took a bit of relief in getting out on the job when they had the chance.

And they made it work, negotiating a new routine around the changes, until Kevin didn’t show up for work the day they had three busts back-to-back-to-back.

“What do you mean you can’t come in today?” Abby demanded.

“The H&S finals went into triple overtime,” Kevin answered over the speakerphone, his voice hushed. “Two of us haven’t been found yet.”

“And you have to stay hidden until they find you?” Patty asked. “What if it takes days?”

“That’s why we bring snacks. So I kind of need indefinite leave, you know, in case this is a record breaker.”

“Kev,” Holtzmann said leaning forward. “You’re not supposed to use your phone when you’re a hider. Rule twenty-three.”

“Oh, right! See you guys. I’ll let you know how it ends.”

“Kevin, wait—” Abby tried, but the line went dead.

Holtzmann shook her head. “If I was still in the league he would’ve been out in the regionals.”

“Great. So my babysitter is crouched in a bush somewhere in Central Park,” Abby grumbled.

“Sounded more like he was under a bridge,” Patty put in. “Heard water in the background. Or maybe in one of the rowboats…”

“Wherever he is, we’ve got a full day and now no one to watch E.V.”

Holtzmann cleared her throat pointedly with a mildly offended expression.

Abby looked over, surprised. “You want to watch her? Alone?”

“I’ll be here all day anyway. Might as well get some more practice in with a real kid before ours shows up.”

Patty could tell how much Abby loved the idea of her daughter being used for unsupervised practice, but she did a pretty good job of not letting it show. “Okay, if you’re sure you feel up to it. You know where her food and supplies and everything are and her potty’s in the bathroom, you’ve got my number—”

“Abby,” Holtzmann interrupted her. “I know what to do. Go catch some ghosts.” She flicked her glasses down over her eyes and grinned. “E.V.’s in good hands.”

So they headed out with two of the more senior trainees, waving goodbye as Holtz stood by the door with E.V. on her shoulders.

The busts themselves wound up being fairly routine, if tiring. For Patty, it barely took much thought anymore, more muscle memory than new challenges. If anyone had told Patty back at the beginning of their team-up that she would end up being the Ghostbuster who logged the most field time out of all of them, she would have scoffed. But Erin had barely been with them for a year when life stole her from them. Then Abby got pregnant shortly after and it was down to Patty and Holtzmann for the next year. Then they briefly had all three of them back together for almost another year until the artificial insemination worked.

And now, for six months, Patty had been without the one partner she had consistently had at her side in the field since the beginning. She missed Holtzmann. Abby was great and they had a natural rhythm that had formed almost instantly back when they had first fought Rowan, but it wasn’t the same. Patty and Holtzmann had only bonded closer in the field and could battle ghosts with their eyes closed, like seasoned dance partners. Not having her wife with her felt like she was missing an arm.

She wondered if that was how Abby had felt going out on busts after Erin died.

Abby seemed to notice her distraction and after the last bust of the day, while the trainees were loading the ghost trap into the car and talking to the homeowner, she volunteered Patty to do a final sweep of the house with her on their own. In the stolen opportunity for privacy, Abby broached the topic.

“Hey, you doing okay?”

“Yeah, usual aches and pains, but nothing big.”

“Good, but I kind of meant overall. How are you and Holtzy doing?”

Patty shrugged. “Oh, you know. Pregnancy’s taking it out of her, but we’re getting by. Good days and bad days.”

“And today’s one of the good days, right?” Abby asked, sounding a bit intentionally casual. “She’s feeling on top of things, up for a big challenge or responsibility?”

Patty stopped, cocking her head at Abby. “Girl, are you worrying about her watching E.V.?”

“Nope,” Abby protested, a little too vehemently, “not at all.”

“’Cause you know she loves that girl. No way she’d let anything happen to her, pregnancy-brain or no.”

“I know, I know.”

“You’re her best friend, you know you can trust her.”

“I know!” Abby pointed a finger at Patty. “Just wait till yours is born. You’re gonna be just as overprotective as I am.”

Patty nodded. “Fair enough. But give Holtzy a little credit. She’s probably having a great time with E.V. right now.” _And if anything’s on fire it’ll be put out by the time we get home, I’m sure of it._

“Yeah. Sorry, it’s just weird lately. I remember how it felt being that hormonal. It’s not fun.”

Patty snorted. “Yeah, no doubt about that. Doesn’t help she’s been restless as hell lately and it’s not just from the caffeine withdrawal. I think she’s getting cabin fever.”

Abby made a face, raising her eyebrows as she peered into a room, deciding it was clear. “Can’t say I’m shocked there. Honestly, that’s why I was so surprised when she said she was going to be the one to have the baby. I mean,” she added, waving a hand to forestall Patty’s reaction, “from a medical standpoint, I get why she wanted to do it, but I don’t think she thought through how being unable to work would get to her.”

Patty swallowed her protest and nodded. “Yeah, nine months of being banned from her lab, her toys, and ghostbusting is cruel and unusual punishment for her.”

“At least I had the paperwork and management stuff to keep me busy while I was on maternity leave,” Abby said. “I don’t think she’d be the right fit for doing that though.”

“No, I’m pretty sure Jennifer would be over the first day demanding who used the entire annual budget to buy plutonium and the screening rights to ‘Gremlins’.”

Abby chuckled, but paused in the hallway, leaning on the wall. “There’s got to be something we can do to include her more, give her something to keep her mind busy.”

“You know there is one thing I was kind of thinking about,” Patty said. “You know those little cameras you can attach to helmets and stuff when you go skydiving or surfing or whatever? I wonder if we could rig some of those up so she could kind of ride-along on busts.”

Abby’s face lit up. “Patty, that’s brilliant! We could get some of those no problem! She can even be the one to program them to communicate back to our computers. I bet we can get a microphone and earpieces too so she can actually be part of the conversation.”

“I have a feeling we’re gonna regret giving her that power, but if it makes her happy, I’ll put up with a few pranks and fart noises in my ear while we’re ghostbusting.”

Abby patted Patty’s arm. “Come on, that’ll just make it feel more like she’s really there with us.”

Patty’s mood was a bit lighter the whole ride home with her new plan in mind. They left the trainees to unload the Ecto-1 and empty the traps into containment, heading back to the lobby on their own.

As they came in the door from the garage, Holtzmann was already standing beside a desk, grinning welcomingly at them. “Hey, guys! Successful day out?”

“Yeah, not too bad,” Patty said, hugging her.

“How’d E.V. behave for you?” Abby asked eagerly.

The smile faded off Holtzmann’s face, eyes widening slightly. “E.V…. Riiight…”

Terror filled Patty’s heart as she watched the color drain out of Abby’s face. _Oh god, baby, no. Tell me you didn’t…_

But Holtzmann’s expression was already crinkling up in a laugh she couldn’t keep in any longer and Abby smacked her arm.

“Are you kidding me, Holtz?!”

“I’m sorry,” Holtzmann snorted, jerking her thumb toward the stairs. “She’s fine. She’s coloring in her playroom.”

“I swear to god, once yours is born, I’m gonna find a way to get even with you,” Abby vowed as she headed toward the stairs, pointing warningly at Holtzmann.

Patty just shook her head as Holtzmann settled down. “You’re horrible, you know that?”

Holtz shrugged, boosting herself up awkwardly to sit on a desk. “It was too easy. And hey, so was watching E.V. Maybe this mom thing won’t be as scary as I thought.”

“Well, we have had a bit of practice by now. What with being godmothers and training the new kids and, you know, just having Kevin…”

Holtzmann grinned again, drawing Patty in to hug her again. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too, baby.” Patty kissed her forehead, glad to embrace her clingy mood as long as it lasted. “You remember to feed yourself today too?”

“Yeah, but you know that hole’s never filled these days,” Holtz said, patting her stomach.

“How ‘bout we get a snack and sit down for a bit. I’ve got an idea I want to run by you…”

OOO

Holtzmann was exuberant about the camera idea. They invested in a pair of Go-Pros and Holtz set right away to suping them up so they were just enough beyond the factory-default abilities to satisfy her without being able to incorporate nuclear or weaponized components. She would only “ride-along” with Abby and Patty since they didn’t really need to give the trainees any additional distractions and sometimes the original trio just wanted to be able to have conversations between the three of them anyway.

Being able to have Holtz along on missions, even virtually, raised everybody’s mood considerably. When they were working in a whole group, Abby and Patty switched Holtz onto a speaker set-up so she could contribute to the overall conversation. (Or, more honestly, derail it half the time if she got on a roll.) When they needed stealth, they switched her back to their earpieces so the ghosts couldn’t hear her if she had a breakthrough idea to suggest.

Unfortunately, it had its downsides too. Sometimes during stressful missions Holtz’s interruptions were badly timed or irritatingly distracting since she couldn’t always pick up on the mood of the room. The first time the connection failed and the line went dead in the middle of a bust, both Patty and Holtzmann had nearly had panic attacks, each thinking the other was hurt or in trouble. But the worst fallout over it happened thanks to an equipment malfunction during a particularly nasty call.

It had been a bad day. Two of the trainees had been tense over an attempt at dating fell through. The mayor had announced a few temporary budget cutbacks during the end of year financial review. The hormonal cycle was not working on Holtzmann’s side, making her antsier than usual. Then, to top it all off, they had gotten a last minute bust right before they were planning to close up for the night and just go on call.

Patty had told Holtzmann to go ahead and go home without her so she could get some food and rest and promised to be home as soon as she could.

Four hours later, she was finally able to drag herself home. The bust had proved to be a grueling affair marked by cold wind, slime, rain, and having to climb up and down to a nasty attic in an abandoned estate building more times than Patty’s back wanted to remember. The mix of grime, cold, wet, and ectoplasm finally proved too much for their gear and Patty had to go into the final take-down of the ghost with a sputtering proton pack.

After leaving her gear with Joe, their temporary head engineer, to repair, with a few choice words about the frustrating piece of junk, Patty got one of the trainees to drop her off at home before taking the Ecto-1 back to the firehouse.

Limping upstairs to their apartment, achy, cold, starving, irritated, and desperate for a shower and change of clothes, Patty was met by a frantic Holtzmann when she opened the door. Apparently the weather had disrupted their earpieces, but Holtz had still managed to watch along with their video cameras over her laptop from home. And so she had had to silently watch as her beloved equipment almost failed, endangering Patty during crucial moments in the fight.

Exhausted as she was, Patty didn’t really have it in her to play the comforting voice of reason for her anxious wife at that point and she had to admit the conversation had not gone well. Sharp words had been exchanged. Holtzmann may have said something about what was the point of the camera idea if all she could do was watch powerlessly. Patty may have said something to the effect that maybe she wouldn’t turn her camera on at all anymore if it was just going to stress Holtzmann out more.

And then they may have spent the rest of the evening not saying much to each other at all, avoiding each other until it was time to go to bed, and even then barely speaking a word beyond what was necessary.

It wasn’t a good night.

And now it was almost two in the morning and although she was bone tired, Patty knew she wasn’t going to get any sleep for a while. At seven months along, the pregnancy was definitely taking its toll physically on Holtzmann too. Her back hurt most of the time, she felt overheated almost as often, and the movements and kicks that had been so endearing when they first started weren’t nearly as cute when they were targeting your lungs and bladder for hours on end.

Tonight, as if she was picking up on her parents’ tension, the baby seemed to be extra restless and energetic.

Patty felt the mattress jostle again as Holtzmann shifted for the umpteenth time, repositioning pillows around her aggressively, grumbling as she tried futilely to find a comfortable position. 

“She still going?” Patty mumbled, too tired to even open her eyes.

“No, I’m trying some prenatal yoga while we’ve got the downtime,” Holtzmann answered sarcastically.

Patty didn’t bother to respond.

Finally, Holtzmann gave a frustrated sigh and pushed herself up, getting slowly to her feet.

“Okay?” Patty asked, dragging an eye open.

“Bathroom. She’s dancing on my bladder.” Holtz started trudging toward the en suite bathroom. “Then since she’s not gonna let me sleep, I might as well work on something.”

“Holtz…” Patty called warningly.

“Nothing nuclear or explosive, I know!” Holtzmann snapped over her shoulder as she closed the door.

Patty huffed and scowled as she burrowed her face back into the pillow. Well, maybe now she could at least get _some_ sleep.

No.

She sighed, pushing herself up and rubbing her face. That wasn’t how she wanted tonight to end. Okay, it had been a bad day, but she didn’t want to end it on irritation and anger.

Looking around the room, she had an idea and got up to find what she needed.

By the time Holtzmann came out of the bathroom, Patty had turned on the bedside lamp and was sitting against the headboard, legs spread in front of her.

“Baby, leave the work for tomorrow. Come here instead.”

Holtzmann’s eyes flicked up and down the image before her, but the weary look never left them. “Pats, I know it’s been a while but even if I physically could bend that way right now, I’m not really in the mood.”

“What?” Patty realized what it looked like she was asking for. “No! Look, I’ve got that lotion you like, why don’t you come sit here with me and we’ll see if we can’t get that kiddo to go to sleep?”

Holtz’s face softened. It took a few minutes to get her settled between Patty’s legs, arranging pillows until they were both comfortable and Holtz could lean back, resting against Patty’s chest.

Patty squirted out a sizable blob of lotion and rubbed it between her palms to warm it up. Holtzmann had already pulled up the hem of her light sweatshirt, so Patty adjusted an arm on either side of her and slid her hands down across her belly, spreading the lotion around. She could see some lingering red trails from where Holtz had been scratching at the itchy skin and knew she had made a good call.

Sure enough, between the soothing cream and gentle touch, pretty quickly Holtz gave a deep, contented exhale.

Almost as immediately, Patty felt a firm impact against her hand. Then another, and a general increase in squirming as the baby realized something new was going on.

“All right, that’s enough now,” Patty said to the baby as Holtzmann grimaced. “Girl, I know you get to chill all day, but your moms need some sleep. Even if the mom you’re in don’t act like it sometimes.”

Holtzmann snorted at her, apparently not quite in the mood for banter yet.

Patty respected that and focused on calming the baby first. She caressed her hands in slow circles, together across the top of Holtz’s belly, then gliding apart down the sides to circle back up again and repeat the motion. Whether the kid could really hear them yet or not, she started humming lazy, lullaby-like sounds, hoping it helped.

The baby continued to nudge and kick out against her hands and for a few minutes, Patty was entranced, her movements falling into a hypnotic rhythm encircling Holtz’s stomach. Every time Holtz’s skin visibly stretched and curved around a foot or an elbow, Patty had to wonder how she ever let a day, even an hour go by without appreciating what a miracle it was that all of this was happening. That was their baby in there. Holtzy—her Holtzy—was growing a baby for them, one that was as close to being Patty’s as they could manage as two women. A baby that was now strong enough to be able to interact with her even though it wasn’t born yet. How could any inconvenience in the meantime, any irritation or frustration bother her when that was the ultimate outcome?

A streak of guilt went through her as her fingers passed across the stretchmarks etching Holtz’s skin—her new favorite scars, as she called them—then further across to the more familiar white lines and marks from a lifetime of engineering misadventures. This whole process was fascinating and moving for Patty, but she wasn’t the one who had to deal with the weight on her bladder, the kicks to her ribcage, the joint and muscle pain, the swollen feet, the heartburn, the stress—both hormonal and physical. While they would both be the baby’s mothers, Holtzmann’s experience of the pregnancy was vastly more difficult than hers. And that was something Patty couldn’t help her with. She wished they could truly both be biological moms to the baby and split the duties of the pregnancy fully, passing the baby off when one of them needed a break or had things they had to do. But Holtzmann had agreed to do this for them and until it was born she was stuck with one hundred percent of the job, no days off or time to herself. And not much Patty could do to ease the process.

Holtz’s belly pressed upward against her fingers as she drew another deep sigh and Patty glanced over to notice Holtz was relaxing fully against her, eyes closed as her head sagged against Patty’s shoulder. The baby’s movements had slowed from their frantic pace and Holtzmann’s breathing was mostly even too.

Well. Maybe there was something Patty could do for her after all.

Once she was sure the baby had settled down and had likely dozed off, Patty let her hands slide down Holtz’s sides and gently pressed her thumbs into the muscles in her lower back.

Holtzmann made a groaning sound Patty usually needed to work her fingers a lot lower to elicit and Patty took that as encouragement. She kneaded smaller circular movements on either side of Holtz’s spine, feeling the tension give way under her thumbs. Holtzmann gave a bunch of other very rewarding grunts and moans as Patty worked, until she had her wife draped bonelessly against her, pliant and _relaxed_.

Patty almost smirked as Holtz looked up at her with a wide-eyed and slightly glassy expression.

“You’re incredible,” she breathed.

Patty gave into the grin, cocking her head teasingly. “Yeah, but you knew that already.”

Holtz’s face fell and Patty felt their warm bubble of peace fade a bit. “Hey,” she said, eyes troubled. “I’m sorry for fighting with you earlier.”

“Nah, hey,” Patty said, moving her arms up below Holtzmann’s chest to pull her closer in a hug. “That one’s on me. I was still hot from earlier and I shouldn’t have let it spill over on you.”

Holtz shook her head, nestling into Patty’s neck. “It was me too. I just…when I saw your proton wand short out…”

“I’m here,” Patty assured her, rubbing her arm. “I’m okay.”

“I know,” Holtzmann said, frustratedly. “But a short means water got into the plasma ignition chamber or beam conduit, which means a leak, which means the seal’s corroding, which means Joe missed it during his maintenance on the packs.”

“You could tell all that over the video?” Patty asked, arching a brow.

“And Abby’s pack sounds like it’s running a little hot. I think one of the others is cycling a bit off, but I couldn’t tell which one. When I stepped back, I trusted he would make sure the gear was taken care of. It shouldn’t be doing that.”

“So we’ll get on him about it, make sure Abby checks his work next time,” Patty said. “I know you hate confrontations, but I’m sure Abby’ll be more than happy to do it if she finds out he’s not treating your equipment right.”

Holtzmann still looked troubled. “It’s just… I can’t be out there with you guys. I used to go over everything before we went out. If anything happened to you because I can’t check the gear…”

“Hey,” Patty soothed. “We’re pretty damn good at this job by now. And even if some freak thing went wrong, that’s not on you, okay?”

Holtzmann hesitated, staring at her hands as they fidgeted with each other. “A few months ago, I knew every piece of equipment in that building. I could walk in and tell what needed tuning up just by listening. Everything in that lab, every tool we used, was part of me.” She blew out a breath, flopping her head against Patty’s shoulder. “Now I can’t go on busts, I can’t fix our weapons, can’t work under the Ecto-1, can’t build the ideas in my mind even when it’s working right…” She closed her eyes. “I’m not part of the team anymore.”

Patty’s heart broke hearing that, that Holtz had managed to feel so cut off and isolated she didn’t even feel like she still belonged in her family. And given how she had been rejected by her biological one, that was an extra deep cut.

“Uh-uh,” Patty insisted, tears prickling at the edges of her eyes. “Nothing could ever make you not a Ghostbuster, you hear me? You’re part of our family now and forever, don’t you ever doubt that. Hell, what you’re doing now, what you’re working on?” Patty slid her hands down to gently cup the lower curve of Holtz’s belly, the closest she could get to cradling their baby in her arms. “This is so much more important than anything we do on the job. Anything.”

Holtz’s brow crinkled, eyes still closed and lips pursing over her tense jaw. Patty knew that was a sign she was trying to wrestle together the right words to explain the complex emotions and thoughts in the way she meant them. Patty waited patiently, thumbs stroking her skin.

When Holtz finally spoke, her voice was tight, like she was holding back from crying. “I know what this is doing is important,” she said, waving a splayed hand in the air above her stomach. “But _this_ —” she tapped her temple, then held up her hands—“and _these_ …are feeling a little left out.”

Patty looked down into Holtzmann’s glistening eyes. Holtzmann her wife and friend, not Holtzmann the mother. “Yeah,” she said quietly, nodding. “I can get that. Look, it’s just for a few more months. Once the baby’s born, you can get back to doing what makes you feel more like you. Well, okay, once she’s born and done breastfeeding, so, you know, however long that’s gonna go on, but then…”

She heard Holtzmann heave a heavy sigh and acknowledged how bleak that sounded. It could be another year or more before Holtz was able to get back to working with radioactive material or explosives without risk to their daughter. If this was how much being benched was getting to her after seven months, how frustrating would it be to think she was maybe only a third of the way through her leave?

Suddenly a thought struck Patty. “Hey, you know Gabi? That trainee who just finished her PhD in Microbiology?”

Holtzmann frowned, puzzled, but looked up. “Is she the one with green hair and piercings everywhere?”

“Yeah, her.”

“Yeah.” Holtz smiled slightly. “I like her.”

“I thought you would. Well, she’s been feeling like the field side of ghostbusting may not be her thing, but she thinks we should start a biology department to really study what that slime is and how things like possessions work. With your voles and spores and god knows what, I’m guessing you have some background with biology too?”

“I almost triple-majored in it,” Holtzmann said. “But my time-dilator didn’t work, so I focused on Engineering and Physics.”

“I don’t know if you’re making that up, but either way, it sounds like you’d be the perfect senior team member to oversee a project like that.”

There was a focus in Holtz’s eyes that Patty hadn’t seen in far too long. “I have some very definite hypotheses I would love to test on the subject. And you’d be okay with me working in a biology lab while pregnant?”

“Well, it’s safer than anything else in our building. Plus, Abby already got slimed head-to-toe when she was like six months pregnant and that ghost broke out of the mini-trap in the lab and E.V. turned out fine.”

Holtzmann grinned. “Well, Ms. Tolan, I think I would be thrilled to head up a spectral biology lab.”

“Great! I’ll tell Gabi tomorrow and you two can start writing up a wishlist for supplies.” Patty felt her own heart lightening at the thought. “Man, you know how good it’s gonna be to see you messing around in a lab again? It hasn’t been the same around the firehouse since you stepped back.”

“I’ve still been there,” Holtzmann said.

“Yeah, but it ain’t the same. I’ve missed our mad scientist raving about her latest inventions.” Patty leaned down and kissed her wife. “You know what else I miss?”

“Wha?” Holtz grunted.

“Going on a proper date. Not just lunch with the whole team or dinner here at home. Just the two of us having some rea, special quality time together.”

Holtzmann frowned. “When _was_ our last date? Things have kind of been a blur lately.”

“Too long. So here’s my other thought. One of these days soon, when you’re feeling good and I’m not exhausted from work, we’re gonna get dressed up, pick one of your favorite places to eat, and I’m gonna take you on a full-on, rich-people-in-a-cheesy-romance-movie date.”

“Really?” Holtzmann asked, beaming despite the mischievous glint in her eyes. “You still want to date when I’m carrying a whole lotta baby with me?”

“Of course I do! We’ll just do whatever you feel up for. You wanna dance, we’ll dance. You just wanna go to a movie, we’ll go to a movie. Hell, we’re not gonna be able to go to many of those for a while once the kid’s born, except for maybe some lame animated ones.”

“I like the animated ones,” Holtz protested.

“Okay, then once she’s born you can be the one to take her to all the baby movie days at the theater.”

“And you can be the one to take her to the museum and teach her about everything there.” Holtz paused, cocking her head. “Wait, I want to go on those too so I can hear you talk all your sexy history knowledge.”

A wide smile pulled at Patty’s lips. No matter how long they had been together, it still made her heart light up to know someone actually wanted to hear her talk about her interests. “Yeah? You really like that?”

“Of course. Your giant brain is a huge turn-on,” Holtz said with a wink.

“Hm. Well maybe that’s where we’ll go on our date.”

“Sounds good to me.” Holtzmann yawned expansively, not even trying to cover it. “Babe, don’t take it personally, but I might doze off while we’re talking in a few minutes.”

“Nah, you’re right, we should not still be up. You want help lying back down?”

Holtzmann groaned. “Don’t wanna wake her up. Can I just stay here?”

“Sure, baby, no problem.”

Patty reached over and turned the lamp off, then pulled the blanket up over both of them. Her back was going to be killing her in the morning, but right now, with her wife in her lap and their baby safe and peaceful, nothing else mattered.

Patty breathed a deep, contented sigh of her own. There were going to be bad days. Things were going to be rough sometimes. But she knew now with even greater certainty that they would figure out ways to make it all work. That’s what love was all about.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long delay! I went into a creative slump while working two socially-demanding jobs that left my introvert batteries drained, but I'm back and working on multiple fic ideas now so hopefully my productivity will be higher as we head into summer.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's reading this story and leaving replies! It means a lot getting messages that people were eager for the next update. Hope it was worth the wait!

“What about Jessica?”

Holtzmann wrinkled her nose. “I knew at least ten Jessicas growing up and wasn’t fond of any of them.”

“Fine, no Jessica,” Patty shrugged.

“Quasar?” Holtzmann suggested.

“I told you, we’re not naming our daughter any science terms, alien names, or brand names you see in the grocery store.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.”

“Try telling that to my cousin who had to go through life named Nicorette only to find out she was named after the damn gum that helps you quit smoking.”

Holtz frowned thoughtfully. “Is she Mookie’s sister?”

“Yeah,” Patty shook her head as she moved her spoon around in her ice cream. “That side of the family’s good people, but you’ve gotta pray for ‘em a bit.”

It was a beautiful autumn day in Central Park, a bit too chilly for ice cream, but Patty wasn’t about to deny Holtzmann, especially when it was her turn to pick their lunch date.

Things had taken a wonderful turn over the last few weeks. Holtzmann and Gabriella, the biochemist trainee, had established their spectral biology lab on the top floor of the firehouse, away from the radioactivity of the lower floors but still in the heart of the team’s business. Since the team had been instructed during their last inspection to add an elevator to meet ADA standards, making the trek to the third floor wasn’t a strain for Holtz anymore either and she took a certain joy in having a lab on every level of the firehouse now.

Having a new project had revitalized Holtzmann overall, taking her mind off the strain of the pregnancy and giving her mind the challenge it needed. Together, Holtz and her punk rock-loving protégée were already making headway analyzing exactly what the ectoplasmic residue was and developing new ways to identify possession before victims could do much damage. When days got too long, Holtzmann had a comfortable chair set up in the corner to allow her to take a more managerial role while Gabi did the physical work.

Patty and Holtzmann had also recommitted to keeping the spark in their relationship burning by devoting time to spend together not as Ghostbusters or mothers-to-be, but simply as two women in love. They went to restaurants, museums, shows, whatever made them happy and Holtz felt up to that day. The first time it was Holtzmann’s choice after they had started plans for her biospectral lab, she had shown just how much this meant to her. Patty had been reading in her miniature library upstairs when she heard Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” drifting up from the ground floor. She had descended the stairs to find Holtzmann, dressed to the nines despite her condition and awaiting her with a bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates. Patty hadn’t felt as swept off her feet in decades. Hey, clichés were classics for a reason.

Now Patty let her head rest back, the afternoon sun warming her face despite the breeze and frozen treat in her hand. With her other arm around her wife’s shoulders, stealing a couple hours away from work to just enjoy their peace and quiet, knowing they were only a few months away from their daughter’s birth, Patty couldn’t think of anything that could make her life better.

“I did have one other idea.”

Patty focused back on the moment, turning to look down at Holtzmann. “What’s that?”

Holtz actually looked a little nervous, focusing on scooping every last sprinkle off her sundae. “I was kind of thinking about…Rebecca.”

Patty’s eyebrows arched. “Did you just suggest an actual human name for our baby?”

Holtz shrugged, still not looking up. “It’s just a name I really like.”

A flicker of memory passed through Patty’s mind. The stern, eccentric woman who was uncomfortably difficult to talk to, but who looked at Holtzmann like her proudest creation and who Holtz looked at like she was a star in human form. The woman who had sat on Holtzmann’s side of the aisle at their wedding, the only person from her past to show up.

And Patty understood.

“Rebecca, huh? Rebecca Tolan-Holtzmann,” she said, trying out the feel of the words. “That’s got a nice ring to it.”

Holtzmann perked up now, grinning up at her sideways. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Patty set her empty ice cream cup aside and rubbed her hand over Holtzmann’s belly. “What do you think, kiddo? You a Rebecca?”

The baby shifted a bit, its movements more exaggerated now that it was running out of room to stretch out in. At least Holtz wasn’t wearing the t-shirt Abby had given her with a rubber chestbursting alien erupting out of it, a frequent favorite of hers since the baby’s visible movements freaked out some of the trainees.

Holtz’s hand slid beside Patty’s. “Sounds to me like she’s saying yes.” She put on a high-pitched voice. “‘It’s me, Mommy, Rebecca. I want that to be my name and I want my own tool kit now that my hands are done developing.’”

“She is not saying that,” Patty snorted. “She’s asking for books now that her eyes are starting to work.”

“‘It’s too dark in here to read, Mommy. Will you read to me?’”

Despite knowing it was a game, Patty felt a warm glow filling her heart, realizing over the next few years she would have a little girl who really did ask her to read bedtime stories to her. “Anytime you want, baby.”

Holtzmann noticed the shift in her tone and dropped the teasing voice. “Want to go to a bookstore next date and start picking out stuff to read to her? She can already hear you, so you might as well start now.”

Patty leaned down and kissed Holtz gently, resting their foreheads together. “I’d like that a lot.”

OOO

The rhythm of the firehouse settled into a comfortable pattern. Abby and Patty had worked out a good fighting strategy with the trainees so busts went smoothly and without much drama. Kevin happily entertained E.V. at his desk while they were working, the distraction also keeping him from answering too many of the calls, which went to the far more reliable answering machine. Music poured down from Holtz and Gabi’s lab, making it feel like the old days again and Holtzmann corrupted the young biochemist by roping her into pulling pranks on the rest of the team with some of their excess lab materials. Aside from having to be somewhat more cautious with what you ate out of the fridge in the lounge, life was good.

Until the day Abby and Patty were discussing a map of frequent ghost activity in the city when Gabi came racing down the stairs, eyes wide in terror.

“It’s Holtz,” she gasped.

That was all she got out before Patty was on her feet racing past her up the stairs, not trusting the elevator to be fast enough. If Gabi elaborated further, Patty didn’t hear over the roaring in her ears.

_No, no, no, no, no._

She reached the top floor and barreled into the lab, her stomach wrenching as she saw Holtzmann bracing herself on a table with one arm, the other holding her belly. Her eyes were closed tight and she seemed to be breathing through pain.

_Oh god, no._

“Baby?” Patty breathed.

Holtzmann blew out a long breath, relaxing from her bent pose as Patty moved to her side, almost afraid to touch her. “Hey. It’s okay.”

“That didn’t look okay,” Patty said, though her outright panic decelerated slightly as she saw the episode passing. “Was that a contraction?”

“Um, yeah, kind of thinking that was,” Holtz said, sounding a bit winded and shaken, but mostly back to normal.

“Is that the first time you’ve felt one?” Patty asked, checking to see if her water had broken yet even though part of her knew that would have been obvious if it had happened.

“Well, been having crampy stuff all day, but that was the first time it felt really…contracty.” She waved a hand over her stomach.

“Pain in your back? Your belly went really tight?” Abby asked. Patty hadn’t even realized she had followed her upstairs, but wasn’t at all surprised.

Holtzmann nodded, leaning back against the lab bench.

“Okay, yeah that’s probably what’s happening,” Abby agreed. “Did you time how far apart they are?”

Holtzmann shook her head, gnawing on her lip nervously. “This was the first I thought was serious. Didn’t pay attention to the others.”

_It’s too early_ , Patty’s mind chorused. She knew babies could do just fine if they were born in the eighth month, but it still made her a little worried if anything didn’t go exactly right with the pregnancy.

They agreed it was a good idea to head to the hospital even though they weren’t sure how far apart the contractions might be yet. Patty tried not to let her fears show as she helped Holtzmann down the elevator and into the Ecto-1. Abby drove them to the hospital, Patty sitting in the back with her wife. Holtz had two more contractions from the time they left the firehouse to the time they were in the waiting room while Abby took care of the paperwork for them. Patty dutifully timed them, but wasn’t sure what to think as she saw they were actually getting farther apart rather than closer together by the time they were brought back to see the doctor.

Once they were brought to an exam room and the initial ultrasounds and blood pressure measurements were taken, the contractions had weakened some to merely being uncomfortable. Patty was slightly relieved, but wouldn’t stop worrying until they had gotten a final say from the doctor.

The obstetrician came in, greeting all three of them with a lack of urgency that calmed Patty’s nerves a bit more.

“So I understand you’re having contractions,” the woman said.

“Yeah, though they’re actually getting further apart now,” Patty jumped in.

“And now it just feels kind of weird instead of like somebody’s using my uterus as a stress ball,” Holtzmann added, making Abby wince empathetically.

The obstetrician nodded. “That fits with what our exam showed too.” She leaned against a counter, setting down her chart. “It sounds like you’re having a very strong set of Braxton-Hicks contractions. False labor.”

Patty breathed a sigh of relief.

“No baby today?” Abby asked, looking similarly reassured.

“Nope, just a rehearsal.” The doctor looked to Holtzmann. “Were you doing something strenuous when it started?”

_She better not have been_ , Patty thought, giving Holtzmann a scolding gaze when she scratched at her neck sheepishly, avoiding their eyes.

“I may have been engaged in a little dance-off with my lab partner over who got to be first to use the new spectrometer.”

“Oh my god.” Patty covered her eyes with a hand.

“She didn’t believe I still had moves!” Holtz said defensively.

“You got the baby to show you _her_ moves acting a fool like that!” Patty snapped back.

“I tried to rein myself in,” she shrugged, hunching in a chastised pout. “Guess I just gave it a little too much hip action.”

Patty couldn’t come up with a response to that, partly because she felt her cheeks flushing picturing that image.

As Abby nodded, apparently thinking that was a fair explanation, the obstetrician cleared her throat, pointing at Holtzmann. “Well, for the rest of the pregnancy, resolve your disputes with Rock-Paper-Scissors or something else less active. You don’t have to be on bedrest, but you should be taking it easy in these final weeks. You’ll likely continue to have Braxton-Hicks contractions as your uterine muscles prepare for real labor, but they happen most when you’re active or doing things that are physically stressful.”

Holtz raised a hand. “Uh, just to be clear, does this include…horizontal dancing?”

“Girl!” Patty hissed at her.

“I would be careful with sexual activity, yes,” the doctor said. “Just be aware that it could cause contractions.”

“Yeah, it could,” Holtz grinned lasciviously at Patty with a wink.

“I am not hearing this right now,” Patty said, resolutely looking away.

“Based on how things don’t seem to be particularly urgent now, I take it everything’s okay today then?” Abby said, clearly starting to regret having come into the room with them.

When the obstetrician paused, Patty and Holtzmann froze, the humor between them fading.

“Well, there is one more thing that we need to discuss. Um…”

The woman glanced at Abby, but Patty quickly assured her, “She’s family. You can tell us in front of her.”

“Okay. First of all, the baby’s fine. Her heartbeat’s strong, she doesn’t seem to be under any unexpected stress, amniotic fluid levels are normal. But, if you remember from previous exams, she’s measuring in the ninety-seventh percentile on size?”

Patty imagined all eyes were on her, knowing that was due to the sperm donor they picked having similar proportions to herself. 

“But she’s okay?” Abby asked softly.

“Yes, she’s a hearty, strong baby. The concern I have is that currently, Ms. Holtzmann, you’re thirty-four weeks along with six weeks until term and the baby’s head is already large enough that, given your build, it could have a hard time passing through your pelvis.”

Realization and regret poured through Patty. She should have cued into this sooner. She knew Holtz already looked almost big enough to be due even though she had a month-and-a-half to go, but she just figured since Holtz was so little anyway any pregnancy would stand out that much. Once again, Patty wished she could trade places with Holtzmann and be the one to carry the baby. Or she wished she could have talked Holtz into just picking a sperm donor who was more similar to herself.

She felt Holtzmann’s hand wrap around hers and looked down, expecting to see fear, but instead saw Holtz was trying to comfort her instead.

“Okay,” Abby said, clearly worried too, “so what does this mean?”

“Well, you have a couple options. If you’re determined to deliver vaginally, we can discuss inducing labor early so you give birth before the baby gets big enough to pose a more serious risk. Thirty-four weeks is early, but most children born at this stage survive and do perfectly well with only a short stay in the neonatal ICU.”

“What’s the other option?” Patty asked, not liking the sound of that one at all.

“Maintaining the pregnancy to term is of course a preferable option. Give the baby enough time for her lungs and other organs to finish developing. If you choose to wait until you start labor naturally, the baby will most likely be large enough that vaginal delivery would pose a dangerous strain on your heart, if the baby could get out at all. At that stage, we would strongly recommend doing a C-section.”

Patty swallowed hard, but she saw Holtzmann’s eyes light up. “Wait, so I can give her all the time she needs, then I can have her without needing to do it the hard way?”

“Okay, I know it _sounds_ easier, especially right now,” Patty said, “but a C-section, that’s major surgery, right?”

“They’re a very routine procedure these days, but it is still abdominal surgery, yes,” the obstetrician said. “While they have fairly a low risk of complications, we advise couples to take the decision seriously. Since things seem to be winding down here, I recommend letting us discharge you today, then go home and discuss the options for a bit before you make your decision. The baby’s not going anywhere for right now.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Patty said as the woman headed out, feeling her adrenaline finally return back to resting levels.

“For the record, I’ve had so many things surgically removed in my career, a C-section’d be a piece of cake,” Holtzmann said.

“She’s got a point,” Abby agreed.

“We’ll talk about it more when I’m recovered from the gray hairs I got today,” Patty said, pulling out her cell phone and handing it to Holtzmann. “In the meantime, you’re gonna call Gabi and reassure her your little dance contest didn’t hurt you or the baby.” She could only imagine how much the poor girl was fretting back at the lab.

“All right,” Holtz sighed, taking the phone. She dialed, leaning back and drumming the edge of the bed with her fingers as she waited for the line to connect.

“Kev?” she said at last. “Hey, yeah, I’m good. Nah, can’t put the baby on to talk. She’s still inside. I know, bummer, right? Hey, can you go get Gabi and put her on the phone? Thanks.”

She scanned the ceiling tiles patiently as she waited for Gabriella to answer, fidgeting idly with a thread from the sheet. When the girl clearly had responded, Holtz suddenly let out a gut-wrenching bellow of agony that made Patty nearly leap out of her skin and Abby grip the arms of her chair.

“You did this to me!” Holtz snarled in an anguished voice. Then abruptly her face went from contorted to relaxed, a casual grin on her lips as she spoke calmly. “Gab? Gabi. Nah, I’m messing with you. I’m fine. Yeah, false alarm. Everything’s good.”

“Jesus,” Patty muttered, running a hand over her hair as Abby reassured the startled nurse who had just run over. For the umpteenth time, she wondered how she was going to survive having two Holtzmanns running around in her life.

OOO

After that, the last month of the pregnancy seemed both dizzyingly brief and interminably long. Short because, with the end in sight, the prospect of actually having a baby to take care of was intimidating. Long because of the physical strain it was putting Holtzmann through. In addition to the now-common Braxton-Hicks contractions, which kept them both on alert for whether this would be The Day, the baby had made her own movements toward getting ready, dropping lower into Holtz’s pelvis. Overall, Holtzmann had taken that change in stride, pun fully intended, exaggerating her resulting waddle into sumo stances, cowboy impressions, or ‘pimp walks’ to get Patty or the trainees to laugh.

Eventually, though, even that entertainment wasn’t enough to distract her and with a little more than a week left to go, she was just _done_. She hadn’t been put on bedrest, but she spent most of her time in the biospectral lab kicked back in her Comfy Chair. If she wasn’t in it, she was pacing slowly, uncomfortable and restless.

One afternoon, Patty and Abby had ventured up to the third floor for a visit, surprised to find her chair pulled up to a workbench, pages of schematics surrounding her as she scribbled calculations and designs with an almost manic focus.

“She’s been like that all day,” Gabi said quietly as she glanced up from her titration. “No idea what she’s working on.”

Patty nodded, approaching carefully. “Holtzy?”

To her surprise, Holtzmann responded on her first call, holding up one finger. “Just a milli.” She finished a circuit design with a decisive flourish, then looked over. “What’s up?”

“Kind of wanting to ask you the same thing,” Patty said, noting the lines of exhaustion behind her yellow lenses.

“You get a sudden spark of inspiration?” Abby asked, picking up a blueprint curiously.

“Yeah, something that’s been on my mind for a bit,” Holtz said, scanning her drawings thoughtfully. “It’s a teleporter.”

Both Abby and Patty stared at her, fascinated.

“Seriously?” Abby’s eyes glittered at the prospect of a new toy. “An actual matter transporter?”

“Yep,” Holtzmann popped.

“I thought you were focused on biology these days,” Patty said pointedly, checking for anything recognizably nuclear in the plans.

“Oh, it is related to biology,” Holtz said, adding a line of variables to an equation. “It’s to get the baby out.”

Now Patty and Abby stared at her fully. Even Gabi peered over her shoulder with a disturbed expression.

“Baby, you better be joking,” Patty said flatly.

“No, I think I’ve got a design that’ll be ready for testing in a day or so. I’m planning to try it on a watermelon, see if I can get it precise enough to separate all the red from the rind without cutting it open. If that works, I’ll see if I can debone a chicken next.”

“And why, with that genius-level IQ, do you remotely think this is a good idea?” Patty asked a bit sharply.

“She’s ready to come out.” Holtzmann frowned at the desk, bracing her arms spread on the edge. “I can feel it, but the contractions aren’t getting any stronger and it’s making her edgy which makes me edgy and I feel like I’m gonna explode if I don’t get her out of there soon. So…” She gestured to the blueprints. “Teleporter.”

Abby was nodding, but Patty just held Holtz’s eyes for a long moment, face unimpressed.

“Or, you could tell your wife you feel like that and we call the doctor to schedule your C-section.”

Holtz drummed her fingers on the table, tongue pressing in her cheek as she thought. “That would make more sense.” She shrugged, giving Patty an easy-going grin. “Okay, let’s do your plan.”

Patty breathed out a sigh of relief. “Come on,” she said, helping Holtz to her feet. “I think it’s time we went home away from all the temptations around here.”

“Fair enough. Hey, don’t throw those plans out,” she called back to Gabi. “I think I redefined a universal constant in there.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you did,” Patty snorted, once again impressed and terrified of the woman she loved.

“Hey, even if you don’t use it as intended, I’ve got an idea how you could turn this into a pretty wicked dumbwaiter,” Abby said, gathering up the schematics.

“Nice!” Holtzmann grinned, eyes widening. “See, Pats? Everybody wins.”

“Mm-hm. Well, nothing’s on fire or being scooped out of you like a nasty Jack-o-lantern, so I guess I win too.”

“That’s why you’re the best, Pattycakes. You know, we could also try that other method of inducing labor the doctor mentioned. The horizontal one?”

“We’ll see when we get home.”

OOO

Scheduling a date for the C-section felt really weird. They were ultimately picking their daughter’s birthday and it just added to the sense of how significant the next week was going to be.

The appointment was set for three days from when they called, due to how busy the hospital’s schedule was. Apparently they had picked a popular time to have a baby. In a way, Patty almost wished Holtz had just gone into full labor so they could go to the ER immediately and not even have time to think about it. Now she had three days with nothing to do but worry before the actual event.

Not that she let Holtzmann know about that. Holtz had enough to think about leading up to the big day without Patty piling her own fears on top of it. For the most part, Holtz just seemed excited and relieved for the pregnancy to finally be over with, but in their quieter moments away from the team, Patty picked up on the nervousness Holtz shared over the reality of how much their lives were about to change in a matter of days.

Patty had gotten pretty good over the years about keeping her own concerns at bay so she could be there for Holtz. She knew she was the rock of the team. In the wake of Erin’s death she had helped hold them together and keep Abby and Holtz functioning. When Holtzmann had worried about the possibility of being unable to conceive, she had reassured her they would be all right no matter what. And she had tried to be the level ground Holtz needed throughout the hormonal storms and changes of the pregnancy, giving her something normal to anchor herself as her body took control and coped with the demands of making a baby.

She had gladly done all of that and would do it again every day for the rest of her life if Holtz needed it, but the day before the C-section, the stress of it all finally caught up to her. When there was a break in the action of the day’s work, she snuck away up to the roof to steal a moment alone. There, with the cold of the early winter air muffling the sounds and smells of the city, she gave herself time to let everything catch up to her.

She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised that her disappearance wasn’t unnoticed. Still, hearing the door open behind her had her scrambling to pull herself together, wiping away her tears hurriedly and hoping she could blame her runny nose on the cold air. She was slightly relieved when she realized it was Abby.

“Patty? You okay?” her friend asked.

“Yeah,” Patty heard the tightness in her throat betray her, but still tried to play it off, shrugging. “Just felt like getting some fresh air, you know how it is.”

“Uh-huh,” Abby nodded, looking around at the overcast sky as she sauntered closer. “Nothing to do with the fact Holtzy’s having her C-section tomorrow.”

Patty sighed. Should’ve known nothing would get by Abby. “I know I’m being stupid. I know it’s a routine procedure and I just read too damn much…”

All the frightening possibilities flashed through her head again: something going wrong, the baby turning out to be too early after all, the placenta rupturing and the doctors being unable to stop the bleeding, Holtz needing a hysterectomy to save her life, the anesthetic failing and making her feel every moment of it…

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m worried too.”

Patty looked up, surprised. If anything, she had been expecting Abby to tell her she was being irrational. “You are?”

“Of course!” Abby said, leaning back against the ledge beside Patty. “I already lost my oldest friend in the world to what was supposed to be a routine bust. Any time there’s a chance something could happen to you or Holtzmann, I worry. It’s human to feel that way.”

“I guess.” Patty leaned back too, crossing her arms. “I’m okay. I just needed to get it out of my system. Don’t wanna scare Holtzy when she’s already a bit freaked out about doing this.”

Abby nodded. “All right. I just wanted to let you know it’s okay to _not_ be okay too. She’s your wife and you guys are having a baby tomorrow. It’s a big deal. But hey,” she added, trying to sound cheerful, “on the plus side, with all the times Holtz’s been in the hospital before, at least we know she responds well to anesthetic. So that’s something.”

Patty snorted, but something about that opened the floodgates. Maybe it was remembering how many times during their marriage she had sat in hospitals while doctors treated Holtz’s latest burn or break or shrapnel wounds. Every time, even if it didn’t bother Holtzmann that much, to Patty it meant something had hurt her girl and that made her heart and stomach hurt.

“Hey,” Abby said gently, noticing Patty’s tears. “Shh, come here.”

She reached up, drawing Patty’s head down to her shoulder and rubbing the back of her neck as Patty gave in and cried into her friend’s shirt. She felt stupid, but Abby just held on and murmured soothing things against her hair, letting her get it out.

“Sorry,” Patty rasped once she had control of herself again. “Oh, damn, your shirt—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Abby said, although the wet spot had to be uncomfortable in the cold air. She just kept an arm around Patty’s shoulders, holding her in a warm side hug. “You needed that. And hey, anytime you need someone to vent to, know that you don’t even have to ask, okay? Just come on by and burst into tears like you just watched a movie where the dog dies.”

Now Patty chuckled genuinely. “Thanks.”

“No prob. I know you support Holtz most of the time. Everybody’s gotta have a pressure release for stress. Glad I can be it.”

“Well anytime you need somebody, you come to me too,” Patty offered, suddenly acknowledging anew that Abby was both single and a single parent and regretting not being available for her more.

“Thanks.” Abby nodded. “But before you start feeling bad for me—‘cause I can see it in your eyes, and it’s sweet, but you should know I’ve cried to Holtz a bunch of times when I needed it.”

“Really?” Patty asked. She hadn’t known about any breakdowns like that.

“Oh yeah! I mean, she was my only friend for years before you and Erin came around and the Ghostbusters started. I vent mom fears to her all the time! Even since she got pregnant. Hell, maybe especially since she got pregnant.”

“Huh.” Patty wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“It’s only fair. She vents to me too.”

“She does?”

Abby laughed. “I’m friends with both of you! Of course I hear everything that goes on from both your perspectives. Don’t worry,” she held up a hand, “I swore back when you two got together I was going to stay completely neutral and not take sides. If I can throw a bit of informed advice here and there that smooths things along for you guys, well, that’s just a perk. Where do you think all my magical wise insight comes from?”

Patty grumbled, a little embarrassed she hadn’t realized that in the years they had known each other. And then trying to remember everything she had confided in Abby that related to Holtzmann…

“Oh, speaking of, if I can give you one bit of inside information as a tip?” Abby said, leaning back so she could look Patty in the eyes. “I know you want to be the strong one for Holtz, but once in a while, instead of holding everything in until you’re crying on the roof, try crying to her instead. She’s not fragile. Awkward, maybe, but she wants to be there for you too. Don’t tell her I told you, but she’s a little hurt you never let her take care of you. Being pregnant hasn’t made her less capable of handling things. Or less butch, either.”

Patty sat up, thoughtfully. “I guess you’re right. I just, I don’t know, didn’t want to make her have to deal with my stuff on top of everything else right now.”

“I know. ‘Cause you love her to a disgustingly adorable degree.” Abby clapped her shoulder, pushing herself up from the ledge. “Now go home, show your wife how much you love her, and focus on getting ready to become a mom tomorrow. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“Thanks Abby. You’re the best.”

“Don’t you forget it,” she grinned, heading back to the stairwell.

Patty stayed up on the roof for a few more minutes, wiping the last signs she had been crying off her face and breathing out the rest of her emotions for the time being.

Once she felt back to herself, she headed downstairs. She stopped in the biospectral lab to gently rouse Holtzmann, who had dozed off in her Comfy Chair, feet propped on one of the workbenches beside Gabi, for once listening to the doctor’s orders to take it easy. Patty helped her up, then they took the elevator downstairs to the ground floor and told Kevin they were heading home for the rest of the day. And promised to let him know when the baby arrived, though they couldn’t make any promises when he asked them to get a picture of the stork to show him.

They did their best to relax for the remainder of the afternoon. Well, mostly. Patty found herself doing an anxious last inventory of the nursery, swearing there was something they had forgotten to buy, even though the overflowing shelves and drawers made that unlikely. Holtzmann whined for her to come join her on the couch, ordering food so they didn’t have to cook and cuddling as they zoned out to syndicated sitcoms they had already seen a million times.

When they finally turned in for the night, Patty stretched out facing Holtzmann, trying to figure out how to broach opening up to her.

Apparently her expression betrayed her thoughts, because Holtz frowned as she watched Patty’s eyes trace over her for a long moment. “What’s up? Something’s cooking in that beautiful mind of yours and I want a bite.”

Patty sighed, stroking her hand up and down Holtzmann’s arm. “Just thinking about tomorrow.”

“You mean the day our beautiful baby girl becomes a reality and not a squirming bowling ball on my guts?”

Patty wrinkled her nose. “You got a real talent for making things both poetic and unsettling at the same time.”

“Guilty,” Holtzmann smirked.

God, Patty loved that expression. The cocky curve of her lips, the mischievous glint in her eyes, the way her features melted to softness when Patty kissed the smugness away… The thought that anything could happen tomorrow that made it so she would never see Holtz look at her that way again brought tears to her eyes.

Instantly Holtzmann’s face filled with worry. “Hey. Baby, what is it?”

Patty drew a shaky breath, still instinctively not wanting to scare Holtzmann by breaking down in front of her. But she pushed that aside and made herself tell the truth. “Ah, I’m just being overprotective. I know this whole thing’s totally routine, but…the idea of both my girls going under the knife tomorrow…” She couldn’t finish the sentence, her throat choking up.

“Hey, hey.” Holtzmann reached out to pull her closer, trying a reassuring smile. “We fight way scarier things than a surgeon every day. Heck, the pelvic exams I had to have were scarier than this. Everything’s gonna be fine.” Then she shrugged. “And hey, even if something goes wrong, I’ll just come back as a ghost. Think of the fun we could have parenting with one incorporeal mom.”

Patty knew it was a joke, that Holtz meant it to cheer her up, but it was exactly the wrong thing to hear at that moment. The tears came on fully and Holtz’s eyes filled with panicked regret, pulling Patty’s head against her chest, holding her tight as Patty cried.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was a bad idea. I’m not going anywhere, Pats. I promise. Nothing’s gonna happen. This time tomorrow you’re gonna be holding our daughter and I’ll be taking tons of pictures ‘cause that’s gonna be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Patty sniffled, speaking through her clenched throat. “Sorry to be like this.”

“Don’t be.”

“I just love you both so much. Haven’t even met Becca yet and I can’t stand the thought of losing her. Or you.” Patty lifted her head to catch Holtzmann’s lips in a strong, grounding kiss, her arm threading around Holtz’s back a bit possessively. She needed to feel her wife was real and healthy and _there_.

“We’re not going anywhere, babe. I promise,” Holtz said when they separated to breathe, resting her forehead against Patty’s.

“I’m gonna hold you to that, you hear me?” Patty said, fake-sternly.

“Clear as glass.”

Patty grunted approval. Then she disentangled herself from Holtzmann’s arms and scooted further down the bed so she could kiss her belly, putting both hands gently over their daughter. “That goes for you too, baby girl. I don’t want any drama with you coming into the world tomorrow. Your mama and I have been waiting way too long to meet you.”

“Very true,” Holtzmann agreed, idly scratching the nape of Patty’s neck.

Patty stayed there for a moment, stroking her thumbs across Holtzmann’s stomach, acknowledging this was the last time they would lie in bed like this before Becca was born. She could feel how tight and warm Holtz’s skin was, the soreness practically tangible through her thin tank top, and she knew they had made the right decision to have the C-section sooner than later.

“It’s your birthday tomorrow,” she murmured to the baby, feeling tears prickle her eyes again for a much nicer reason this time.

“I’m pretty sure of your answer, but do you think it’s too early to have a clown for her birthday?”

Patty snorted a laugh. “Baby, if you try to have a clown in the delivery room tomorrow, I’m pretending I don’t know you.”

“I’m just saying, we could convince Kevin to show up in the full make-up and outfit. If I’m doped up the way I think I’m gonna be, it’ll be the funniest thing I ever saw.”

“We’re not doing that, but if you want, once you’re sober again I’ll convince you that’s how it happened.”

“Cool. Can you also tell me Duran Duran was there?”

Patty scooted back onto the pillow beside her. “Whatever you want, baby. If it makes you forget the pain of the surgery, I’ll tell you they put on a whole damn show with Stevie Nicks.”

“Yes!” Holtzmann sighed, snuggling into Patty’s arms. “You’re the best, Patty.”

“You too, sweetie.”

Holtzmann began humming “Happy Birthday” as they dozed off together, Patty’s hand resting gently, but protectively on her belly as they enjoyed their last night of uninterrupted sleep for the next two years.

OOO

For all Patty’s worry, the birth went about as smoothly as anyone could ask for. It felt weird to wake up and know their daughter was going to be born that day, yet have no sense of urgency. Patty had always imagined another panicked drive to the hospital, timing contractions all the way, the water having broken at home to set off the whole event.

Instead, they woke up leisurely, the appointment not scheduled until that afternoon. They had time to get dressed and cleaned up, double check their travel bags for the multi-day stay at the hospital, and text Abby to make sure all was well there too. The hardest part was keeping Holtzmann from eating anything since she was going to have surgery, resulting in her pouting over her bottle of water as she waited for Patty to be ready to go.

They got to the hospital in plenty of time, but it still wound up feeling like a mix of chaos and waiting. Patty’s parents had come in to help them out and be present for the birth of their granddaughter. Abby had taken the day off from work and brought E.V., who had protested the idea of being the only one who didn’t see her new ‘cousin’ on her first day. This actually worked out well, as entertaining E.V. gave Patty’s parents something to keep them busy during the parts of preparation where there was nothing for anyone to do but the nurses.

Again Patty felt that sensation of time both dragging and rushing at a dizzying pace. She stood by as the doctor debriefed them both on what was going to happen again, a fetal heartbeat monitor was attached around Holtzmann’s belly, and arrangements were made for a final ultrasound for the baby’s position and measurements of Holtz’s other vitals to be sure there were no surprises or complications for the surgery.

It was still weird. No labor, no panicked rush, no letting Holtz crush her hand while pushing… Not that she wanted Holtz to be in pain at all, it just felt strange to show up at the hospital to have their baby like they were going to a salon for an appointment, everything planned and calm. It gave her too much time to be nervous and feel useless. During labor she could be comforting and supportive. Now, she was along for the ride while the doctors did the main work.

After the flurry of nurses and techs left, though, and they were down to just the soon-to-be parents in the room, Holtz turned her head to Patty with a slightly shaky grin, her heartbeat sounding a little fast on the EKG.

“This is it.”

“Yeah,” Patty breathed, hearing the quiver in her own voice. “Just another hour or two, it’ll be over.”

Holtzmann swallowed, rubbing her stomach with one hand and reaching out the other for Patty to take. “I’m ready, but I’m not ready, you know?”

Patty felt a certain relief that she wasn’t alone in her nerves. “Yeah, I’m there too.” She put her free hand beside the fetal monitor to feel their daughter kick one more time, cherishing that solid thud against her fingers. She wanted to remember that sensation, the thrill and promise it represented.

She looked back up at her wife’s face, taking in everything. Even with her hair tamed back behind a scarf, her skin flushed from the increased blood flow of the pregnancy, her usual eccentric outfits replaced with a generic hospital gown, she was still unbelievably beautiful to Patty. “I’m so damn proud of you, baby. You did it.”

Holtz gave a nervous huff of a laugh. “Well, it’s not done yet.”

“You did it,” Patty said again, more firmly as she brought Holtz’s hand to her lips to kiss her knuckles. “And I’ll never be able to thank you enough for going through this for us, but I’m damn sure gonna try.”

Holtz chuckled again, sniffling. “Yeah, well, I wanted her too. Now don’t make me cry in front of the anesthesiologists.”

Patty smiled, leaning down to kiss Holtz’s forehead, then settling back into her chair beside the bed. “All right, I’ll give your hormones a break. Still love you though.”

“Yeah, you too. Hey, you know I think this is the longest time I’ve ever spent on one single project? And that includes my dissertation.”

“Yeah, somehow I believe that.”

OOO

They had a little bit more time with Abby, E.V., and Patty’s parents hanging out in the room, Abby teasingly griping that Holtz was getting off so much easier than she had delivering E.V., before the nurses returned to get the show on the road. The others would go to a waiting room while the surgery took place, then could return once it was done and Holtzmann felt up to company again.

As Abby hugged Patty before heading out, she whispered, “It’s gonna be great. Go meet your daughter.”

Patty nodded wordlessly, hugging her back before letting go and breathing out her fears.

They had to be separated at one point, a nurse showing Patty where to scrub up and put on surgical coverings while the doctors got Holtz’s spinal anesthesia, IVs, catheters, and whatever else in place. Patty felt kind of bad leaving Holtz to deal with all that on her own, but was also a little relieved not to have to see it.

Again, the prep and changing meant too much quiet waiting time for Patty’s mental comfort, even if it was probably only a matter of minutes. Any downtime meant time for her brain to worry.

Despite all the research she had done on the procedure, she wasn’t emotionally prepared for when she walked into the surgical bay and saw Holtzmann laid out on, essentially, a table, arms lightly restrained to extensions so she couldn’t disrupt her IVs and monitors. A sheet separated her upper half from her lower body, which was covered in more green surgical sheets except for her belly, which was exposed and lit up by the doctors’ lights as they bustled around it. Patty knew intellectually this was all totally normal, but it didn’t stop the protective twist in her stomach at the vulnerability of that position or how much it made her think of alien abduction movies.

Holtz, though, was completely in her element and apparently having a wonderful time. The local anesthetic, it turned out, meant she would be completely conscious and lucid the whole time, rather than a bit loopy and doped up like they had originally thought. Currently, she seemed to be asking the nurse who was checking her IVs some questions, but as soon as she heard Patty walking over, she turned her head, face lighting up in a huge grin.

“Looking good, Pats. I do love a woman in protective gear.”

Hearing her sound normal—well, as normal as she was—broke through some of the fear weighing on Patty and let her laugh. “Can’t say that’s my favorite look of yours, though.”

“Come on,” Holtz smirked, raising her wrists slightly against their Velcro restraints. “You know you can’t complain about the cuffs.”

Patty blushed slightly, glad for the mask over her nose and mouth. She moved beside Holtzmann where the nurse directed her, grateful to be on the non-surgery side of the screen where Holtz was looking and acting like herself.

“You’re not filming?” Holtz asked, slightly disappointed.

“No. I can’t watch ‘em cut you open live, let alone over and over again. You doing okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, yeah. My lower half? Totally numb. I mean, I can kinda feel little stuff, like pressure, but otherwise, nothing.” She tried to wave a hand horizontally, but the restraints limited the gesture’s effectiveness.

“Well, that’s good. Glad it’s working,” Patty said.

“I know it’s a long shot, but I kind of want to find out what they’re using and take some home,” Holtz grinned and winked at her. “I’ve got some experiments I want to try.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna say no to that one right now. And don’t go asking Gabi to synthesize it for you in the lab either. She knows I’m watching her.”

“Spoilsport,” Holtz pouted.

“We’re about to have our hands full enough anyway.” That thought made her look over and see the nurses had concentrated most of the tubes and wires to just one of Holtz’s arms, the other only attached to a basic IV or something. Figuring that was safe enough, Patty reached over and threaded her fingers through Holtz’s. She was damn well going to hold her wife’s hand while she delivered their baby one way or another.

“You doing okay?” Holtz asked softly, brow furrowing a bit.

“Ah, worried and freaked out,” Patty admitted, remembering her promise to let Holtz into her emotional needs more. “The usual. You?”

“Are you kidding? I’m getting a baby and I get to be awake during a surgery for the first time. This is an awesome day!”

Patty laughed, squeezing Holtz’s hand and loving her even more.

Holtzmann’s eyebrows shot up suddenly, an intrigued look on her face.

“What?” Patty asked. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It didn’t hurt or anything, but I think I just felt them make the incision.” She grinned, eyes focused internally as she tracked the sensations. “I can kind of feel like layers of stuff separating, like a lasagna or something.”

Patty was sure she didn’t hide her grimace. She had been trying to tune out the doctors’ chatter in the background as they worked. She really didn’t need a play-by-play from the woman actively being cut open.

“Hey.” Holtz squeezed her hand back, getting her to look up again so their eyes met. “I promise, it doesn’t hurt at all. I’m fine. Everything’s good.”

Patty just nodded, not trusting her voice around her tight throat. She just kept Holtz’s hand clenched in her own and gave a few little prayers that everything would really turn out okay.

To soothe them both, Holtzmann started humming “Happy Birthday” while stroking Patty’s hand with her thumb. She made it through a couple rounds of the song before she stopped abruptly, a weird look crossing her face.

_Oh god._ “Baby?”

“’s good, I just…” Her eyes were distant again, face scrunching slightly. “I can feel them—I think—” She grunted slightly.

Unable to stop herself, Patty straightened, her head whipping to look where the doctors were working, terrified what she might see. And despite the blood and activity, her eyes locked on a sight she would never forget.

There in the middle of it all, was their baby being brought out into the world.

A sob escaped Patty’s lips at the sight. “Oh my god,” she heard herself breathing, voice shaky.

“It’s a baby girl!” the doctor announced, holding the baby up over the screen so Holtzmann could see.

Holtz stared, tears flowing freely from her eyes. “That’s her. That’s her…”

“Congratulations, ladies!” the doctor said, taking the baby back over the screen.

Holtz made a protesting noise, but one of the doctors was quick to reassure her.  
“We just have to give her a quick check up, then she’s all yours, I promise.” She turned to Patty. “Mama, did you want to cut the cord?”

“Uh-uh,” Patty managed, still staring at the squirming baby, vaguely aware she was crying. She wasn’t sure she could even hold scissors right now, much less feel comfortable cutting something on her baby.

“Not a problem, we’ve got it.”

The flurry of green-clad medics whisked the baby away, making Patty’s heart twinge already.

“Can you see her?” Holtz breathed.

“No…” Patty tried to see what they were doing, knowing they were weighing her and checking vitals and stuff, but desperate to get her back ASAP.

Then a small, gurgling cry sounded through the air. Holtz gasped, fresh tears leaking from her eyes. More cries followed, powerful already to be coming from someone so young.

“Ms. Tolan?” one of the nurses called, gesturing her over.

Patty started to move, then realized her hand was latched with Holtzmann’s, each gripping the other’s with intense strength. They carefully released each other, Patty moving unsteadily toward the medics.

The nurse smiled, lifting the baby into her arms. “Here, Mama. You and her mommy can get to know her while we finish up and get everything closed back up again.”

“Oh my god,” Patty sobbed, pulling herself together enough to cradle the warm, crying baby in her arms. The baby she had been imagining for so long, only feeling indirectly through Holtzmann’s stomach, suddenly here and real and so, so beautiful.

She carried the baby—Rebecca—back to Holtz’s side and had the incredible privilege of being the one to hand Holtzmann their daughter. Well, at least she laid the baby on Holtz’s chest so they could be face to face, torn between watching the newborn and watching her wife’s reaction to the baby she created. One of the nurses stepped over and uncuffed the arm that had only one IV in it so Holtz could gently be able to touch her baby.

Patty didn’t know what either of them said to little Rebecca in those first few moments. She wasn’t sure they were even words and not just awestruck, sobbing noises. All she knew was she was looking at her daughter with the love of her life and there was no more important moment in the history of the world. The cold of the room, the fears of the last months, the chaos outside this room, all of it faded away to just the little bubble that consisted of her, Holtz, and the product of their love and dedication to each other. She kissed Holtz’s head, kissed the baby’s, hell, she would have kissed the surgeon for delivering her safely if he had gotten close enough.

She got to continue holding Rebecca as they transported Holtzmann back to her room and settled her in to recover. The only reason Holtz let go of the baby was on the assurance that she would be in Patty’s possession the whole time.

Patty treasured the time on the journey following the nurses and Holtz’s stretcher. They had given Patty a blanket to wrap Becca in, but recommend she hold her as much against her skin as possible, so she had abandoned the surgical gown for her regular shirt, unbuttoned low enough she could rest Becca’s head and upper body against her chest. The sensation made her extra emotional and she cradled the baby, shushing and cooing to her the whole trip to the room.

Looking at Becca now, she was so glad Holtz had insisted on picking a donor who looked like her. She had known she would adore any child Holtz created like her own immediately, but she hadn’t expected how strongly she would be affected by seeing the baby’s brown skin, the dark curls on her head, her broad little nose. This was _her_ baby too and she wanted to hug Holtzmann again for being so committed to making sure their daughter was a true reflection of both of them.

Soon, Holtzmann was settled in her now-familiar room, instructions were given on what to expect as she recovered over the next few hours and how to use the painkiller pump attached to her IV for when the spinal anesthetic started to wear off, and they made sure the women were okay taking care of the baby until their regular nurses came by to help try breastfeeding.

Finally, they were left to peace and quiet and immediately Holtz was reaching her arms out toward Patty, gesturing urgently with a little pleading noise.

Patty grinned and gently transferred Becca into Holtz’s arms, being careful to make sure the baby wasn’t lying anywhere near her incision, even if she couldn’t feel it yet.

Holtzmann breathed, nuzzling into her daughter’s head as the baby squirmed against her chest. “Hey, baby. Been waiting a long time to see you.” She looked up at Patty, smile shaky even as her eyes glowed through tears. “I made this.”

Patty laughed, sitting down beside the bed so she could reach over and stroke Becca’s back. “Yeah, you did.”

“She felt bigger when she was inside.”

“I bet. But she’s definitely bigger than E.V. was. They said she’s strong and healthy. Being a few days early didn’t do her any harm.”

“Knew she was ready.” Holtz looked down at Becca again. “You were trying to tell me, weren’t you? I think my uterus just didn’t want to let you go ‘cause you’re too darn cute.”

Patty laughed again. “Well, we know how possessive you are of all your tech. It put a lot of work into her.” Patty pressed a kiss to Holtz’s temple. “You really are the most amazing inventor in the world.”

Holtz leaned into her, resting her head on Patty’s shoulder. “You’re gonna make me cry again. I’m too happy to be crying this much.”

“Eh, as long as it’s happy crying, that’s fine by me.” Patty glanced over at the bag of baby stuff they had brought with them. “Hey, I think we’d better get a diaper on her soon. I know she hasn’t eaten yet, but her bladder might be working already after living in that fluid so long.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Holtz tickled the baby’s chest with her finger. “Don’t be embarrassed. With this catheter in, Mommy can’t control when she’s peeing either.”

“Well, that’s one thing to bond over.” Patty looked up to see Abby, leaning cautiously in the door. “Knock, knock.”

“Abby!” Holtzmann called, beaming widely. “Look what we’ve got!”

Abby pressed her hands to her mouth as she came over to see the baby. “Oh my god. Hi, sweetie!”

“I made her,” Holtz said again as Abby cooed at the baby. “She came out of here.” She gestured toward her loins.

“Yeah, I remember,” Abby laughed. She glanced at Patty. “You sure they just gave her a local anesthetic?”

“I suspect some of the post-surgery painkillers are kicking in,” Patty said.

“Ah.” Abby leaned over the bed to pull Holtz over for a sidehug. “I’m so proud of you, honey.”

“Be proud of Patty too,” Holtzmann said, pointing toward her. “I couldn’t have done this without her and I wouldn’t have wanted to.”

That warmed Patty’s already sentimental heart in a weirdly profound way. All through the pregnancy, she had felt pretty helpless to do much for Holtz during her difficult times. But apparently Holtz didn’t think of her that way, and the knowledge she had been there for her the way she needed was just icing on the cake of this amazing day.

“Oh, by the way, Kevin showed up while you were in surgery and believe it or not he brought a birthday cake,” Abby said, as if reading Patty’s mind.

“Really?” Holtzmann’s eyes focused intensely.

Abby winced. “Probably shouldn’t have told you, since I know you can’t eat anything for a while till the meds wear off, but we’re saving you a slice.”

“Well, that was a surprisingly thoughtful thing for him to think of,” Patty said, bringing a diaper over to the bed to begin putting on Becca.

“Yeah. You should’ve seen it, though,” Abby said as Holtz reluctantly let Patty take Becca from her. “He was kind of stressed out about how Rebecca would be able to blow out the candles when being zero years old meant there were no candles on it, but E.V. talked him down till he knew it would be okay.”

A thoughtful look crossed Holtz’s face. “Now I’m wondering if we could invent some kind of quantum candle for situations like that. Can you have a candle and not have a candle at the same time?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s the narcotics talking, but now you’ve got me curious too,” Abby frowned.

Patty snorted as the pair wandered off pondering the physics of whether a Schrodinger’s candle could exist, leaving them to it as she finished fitting a diaper on her daughter for the first time. Now that the shock of birth had worn off, Becca had calmed significantly. She was squinting as she took in the room despite the dimmed lights, her grey eyes staring into the space at the end of the bed as Patty worked. Patty had a brief moment of wondering if they would darken as she got older or stay that smoky color, a hint of Holtz’s appearance showing through. And now she wondered what other traits of Holtzmann’s would show up in her daughter over the years.

Then Patty’s parents, Kevin, and E.V. came in, wanting to meet the newest member of their family, and then it was a flurry of passing the baby around, celebrating, convincing Kevin that Becca didn’t need to have a slice of cake, calling the firehouse to let the rest of the Ghostbusters know everything had gone well, including sending a picture of Holtz and Becca, and finally everyone retiring to either give the new family some time to relax or settling in to be available to help if they needed it.

Patty couldn’t believe it had been less than four hours since they arrived at the hospital. In that time her world had changed forever, every moment from here on out now devoted to the wellbeing of the tiny human being lying in a bassinet beside the bed. She had managed to convince Holtz to get some rest before the nurses came back to check on her and get her to try feeding Becca. As Holtz dozed on the bed, Becca asleep beside her, Patty lay half on the mattress, stroking her wife’s arm as she watched their daughter’s hand clench and relax in sleep. The love of their family and friends was still tangible in the air and she thanked every power out there that somehow life had brought her to this place and gifted her with this reality.

Whatever came next, she was excited to be getting to start the journey at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed the fluff in this chapter! And I apologize in advance because, for those of you who have read AudreyV's original fic, you know this is where it gets rough. The next chapter is sad (though I do have a sort of epilogue scene that tries to take some of the edge off the tragedy), so if fluff is what you want, you may want to consider this the last chapter. ;P

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a 4-5 chapter fic. I'm not sure what the posting schedule will be. Chapter 2 is written, just needing editing and a pass for characterization and continuity. Chapter 3 is partway done and I know where 4 is going (though it may split to include an epilogue), but I don't want to commit to a certain posting plan because as soon as I make plans life finds a way to mess with them. But hopefully I can post most of it over the course of the coming month.


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